The Demon Shark and the Fish Cake
by Garm88
Summary: Naruto, left for dead, is stumbled upon by a randomly wandering Hoshigaki Kisame.  Impressed enough by the child's sheer will in not dieing, Kisame decides to take on a student.  How would Naruto do if he was raised by someone a little monstrous?
1. Prologue

The Demon Shark and the Fish Cake: Part One.

Or: They grow up so fast.

Disclaimer: I own none of the Intellectual Properties represented in this fanfiction.

AN: Okay, these are the compiled drabbles (1-5) of "The Demon Shark and the Fishcake", being put together to form the first chapter of the actual stand alone story. Number six will be chapter two, after I do some editing and have my Beta go over it (Blue Baby Blanket), it will probably turn out longer than it is right now, and in this prologue there have been some minor changes, nothing huge but I think it flows better personally. Now, for people that are unaware, Naruto is the same age as Itachi in this fic, as well as Mei being a few years younger, mostly because while thirteen may be the age of consent in Japan, I personally think its fucking creepy for someone twice someone's age to be in a romantic relationship. Everyone else from his generation is the same age; Naruto is just older than them.

* * *

Hoshigaki Kisame was, contrary to popular belief, not in fact Bat Shit Crazy (yes, people actually spoke in capitals when discussing him), he just had a very, very healthy appreciation for the concept of "Survival of the Fittest" when it came to his world view. So for him, stumbling across a very beaten and cut up Uzumaki Naruto in the back woods of Hi no Kuni was a bit of a surprise. Very beaten and cut up, yes, but more importantly, alive and healing.

Now, the unconscious and barely sustaining body wasn't the shock, nor was the middle of bum-fuck nowhere placement, after all, what better place to stash a body than in the middle of nowhere? Especially in a middle of nowhere that it would never be found, what with it being devoured by wild animals and all. _"Probably the middle of the ocean"_, he idly thought while stroking his chin. The surprise was that it was still breathing and not yet been devoured, even though it had obviously been there for a couple days already, if the lack of fresh tracks, dried blood and wear patterns on the ground from said body's unconscious movements were any indication.

Normally Kisame would glance at a beaten and cut up body and keep moving, for people, kids especially, in the sort of condition that the child on the ground was in would normally bleed out and die in a couple of hours. But this time gave him pause, using his keen deductive skills (read: Samehada sensed something weird about the boy's chakra and informed him of such) he took a closer look:

1: Facial markings common with Jinchūriki? Check.

2: Copious amounts of dried blood surrounding his unconscious form, excess of what even an adult body can contain? Check.

3: Sinister Chakra moving through his system, concentrating on the areas with the worst damage? Check.

4: Four years of age, coinciding nicely with the four years since the Kyūbi ravaged Konoha? Check.

5: Almost as much Chakra as he himself possessed, even with his own monstrous reserves and even though the boy is only the tender age of four? Check.

6: Wounds that, while healing, showed obvious traces of being much, much bigger when they were first acquired? Check.

7: Visible sealing array on his naval that looked _way_ more advanced than anything Kisame himself had ever done, the only thing he could recognize being some symbols for containment? Check.

Kisame got a shark-like grin, showing off his equally shark-like teeth before letting out a deep, almost sinister laugh. _"Ladies and Gentleman, I believe Kisame-sama has found an apprentice."_ What was his reasoning? Anyone that could take this kind of punishment and not give in would make an amazing Shinobi.

Quickly picking up the still comatose boy and slinging him across a shoulder, Kisame picked up the pace. It wouldn't do to be caught in Konoha territory with the mauled and maimed form of their Jinchūriki now, would it? After all, he didn't want people to know he'd even been here, and leaving behind the dismembered bodies of Konoha ANBU or Oinin would be quite the giveaway that something was wandering the backwoods, and that that something was a bit of a monster.

* * *

Kisame was bored. Sure he'd grabbed the brat and taken him out of country, he was currently residing in a hotel room in Tetsu no Kuni, but the little bastard had yet to wake up! Thus he was bored. Idly, he wondered what he was going to teach him, he'd definitely have to get him into contact with his resident demon, if he hadn't already with how long he's been out of it. Eventually he'd have to get him a sword, preferably a Zanbatō, since that was what he was most proficient in. Find out his elemental affinity. "_Oh the fun I could have if he turns out to be a water type!_" he thought with sadistic glee. Upon further reflection, with a name like Uzumaki it was completely possible.

Interrupted from his thoughts of torturing his new apprentice (Kisame wasn't one to operate under false pretences if he didn't need too, after all) Kisame looked over at said apprentice as the child slapped a hand to his face, groaned and rubbed his eyes before blinking at the harsh light of the hotel room.

"Where am I now?"

"You're in Tetsu no Kuni, brat, and I hauled your ass here from the ass end of nowhere in Hi no Kuni after finding your fucked up body in the forest." While Kisame could be courteous and polite to contacts and clients, he was going to teach the kid to kill; he saw no reason to censor himself.

A whispered "fuck" was all he got in response, which prompted a happy grin to form on his face. His student was already swearing at the age of four, he'd hit the jackpot!

"Where'd you learn words like that, brat?" He figured he might as well start bonding with his new (and completely unaware of the fact) apprentice early.

"You mean beside from you just now?" Naruto asked, in a very nice sarcastic voice for a child his age, which prompted Kisame's grin to get wider "I lived in the red light district, nowhere else would let me live there, not even with Hokage-jiji paying."

"Still a bit of a foul mouth for a little brat like yourself."

"I'm almost five, you can go to hell."

Ah, so he was Kisame noticed, it was mid August. But the kid's response only caused him to start laughing.

"Alright kid, I like you. If you can, get up and we'll see about getting some food into you, you haven't eaten in three days plus however long you were lying in that forest."

As if on cue, Naruto's stomach let out a huge grumbling roar, the loudest yet since the start of their conversation.

"Think we could find us some ramen?"

Kisame wanted to say no, he really, really did, but the kid did just recover from a brutal beating that would have killed most other men. It had absolutely nothing to do with the kid being the cutest little bastard he'd ever seen. What? Kisame was more than secure with his level of badassery that he didn't mind admitting that the brat was cute.

"Sure brat, let's find us some ramen, maybe I can get some shrimp flavor."

"What's your name, anyway?"

"Hoshigaki Kisame" Kisame replied, sticking out a large hand.

"Uzumaki Naruto" the child said, slapping his hand into Kisame's and watching it get engulfed by the larger mitt. "Thanks for not letting me die."

* * *

An hour later and Kisame was just beginning to appreciate how much money he spent on food. The kid devoured ramen almost at the rate that he could eat sushi. Shinobi with giant chakra reserves generally required more sustenance than Shinobi with more regular chakra levels, the fuel to generate that much energy didn't just come from the air and happy thoughts, after all. Though the fact that the brat managed to weasel a discount out of the lady behind the counter, just on his sheer cute factor alone impressed him greatly. Upon further contemplation, he would have to put that cute factor to great use in the future. He was not above using his apprentice to get himself some tail, in fact it was right at his level, and he didn't even need to crouch down or anything.

"Alright kid, how are you feeling?" Kisame asked upon exiting the ramen bar.

"Pretty good, the fox in my stomach said he'd healed everything and that I'd be good to go as soon as I got some food in me."

Not at all surprised that he'd talked to his inner demon, what with being out for the better part of a week and all, Kisame nodded and beckoned the child to follow him. Stopping at what he thought was a safe distance from the small town Kisame turned around and, without fanfare or preamble, started Naruto's first lesson into Shinobi hood.

"Brat, you know what Shinobi are?"

Earning a nod from the blond, Kisame waved his hand for a verbal explanation. "Shinobi kill people for money."

"While a very crude and small minded explanation, it isn't surprising for someone of your age and situation to lack all that much knowledge on the topic, and before you get all huffy, that wasn't a dig at you." Naruto closed his mouth. "Now, Shinobi have for many generations been the main source of each of the major country's power base. Now to channel your Chakra, the energy that Shinobi use to power almost all of our techniques, you make this hand seal and then…"

* * *

Five years. He'd been training the little brat for five years now. He couldn't believe how fast time went by, or just how damn good the kid was. Well, the last part was a lie, he could believe that. After all, he was the one training Naruto, so he figured that his awesomeness was rubbing off on the kid. He'd lucked out though, it turns out Uzumaki wasn't just a name, but he had a strong affinity for water as well, extremely strong. In fact, the only person he'd heard of that had an affinity anywhere near as strong as the kid's was the Nidaime Hokage, Senju Tobirama, it was that strong. They'd almost missed his second affinity for wind techniques when he took the card test, the only reason they caught it was because Kisame insisted that he do it again to make sure that it wasn't a fluke.

So he'd trained him, and the kid was fan-fucking-tastic. He'd actually seen the boy draw the moisture from the skin of a Nin that they'd captured and been interrogating. Seeing your hand and wrist start to shrivel up and die right in front of your eyes is unsurprisingly good at loosening one's tongue. He'd trained him in the way of the sword, Zanbatō combat of course; it was the best kind in his humble opinion. He was, naturally, quite efficient in using the Mizu Bunshin no Jutsu and other techniques native to Kirigakure, quite proficient in Silent Killing and all that jazz, he knew what he wanted to train the kid to do. In fact, they were on their way to get him a permanent weapon at that very moment.

"So, who's this guy we're looking for again?" Naruto asked, looking up at his towering sensei. He wasn't short, dammit; the man was just freakishly tall.

Kisame grinned, showing off numerous pointy teeth. "His name is Momochi Zabuza, and we're going to kill him."

Naruto just grinned back. "Tell me about this sword I'm getting? Is it like Samehada and absorbs Chakra?"

"Hah! There's no other blade like Samehada kid, she's one of a kind! No, the sword we're getting you is called the Kubikiribōchō, it's a Zanbatō like Samehada is, and it just isn't finished yet."

Naruto was incredulous. "Who the hell uses a sword that isn't even finished? That's like eating Ramen noodles before the broth and good bits are even added!"

Kisame just laughed again, it all came back to Ramen with this kid. "The kind of idiot that tries to assassinate the Mizukage without waiting for his blade to be finished, that's who!" He didn't miss Naruto's mumbled "what a dumb ass". He didn't disagree with it either; Zabuza was a dumb ass to do something that stupid. He'd ruined it for the rest of the Kiri no Shinobigatana Shichinin Shū as well, after that idiot's premature assault on the Mizukage the rest of them were all suspected of treason. Any of them wouldn't have minded sticking a knife in between the Yondaime Mizukage's ribs. Maybe a knife or six, he was a Jinchūriki after all.

"How did such an idiot get into the Seven Swordsmen then?"

"You don't have to be smart to become a member; you just have to be good." Naruto knew Kisame's definition of good was A or S-ranked, so the guy wouldn't be a push over. "Anyway, he's not an idiot really, Zabu-chan has just always been pretty impulsive, from what I understand he saw what he thought of as the perfect moment to strike and took it, he just never really factored in that he wasn't quite up to a Kage's level yet. Probably still isn't."

"Why's that?"

"Unless you're like me, and strong enough that if a couple of Oinin squads show up you can just laugh it off while you kill them, Nukenin don't really progress in strength much."

That made sense to Naruto; they'd had some Mist hunters stumble across them over the years. In fact his first taste of actual combat was at the age of seven, when Kisame was sure he wasn't going to get his ass killed as soon as he got involved. An Oinin team, three men and a fourth as back up, had stumbled across Kisame training him in Suiton Jutsu near a lake. The unfortunate hunters hadn't even realized who they were fighting before the three contact Nin were dead and the fourth was in a choke hold. Given the choice between dying instantly or fighting Kisame's apprentice, and being let live if he won, he chose the lesser evil (or so he thought) and launched a Suiryūdan no Jutsu at the small blond child in front of him, deciding to end it quickly and not make the boy suffer. He was understandably shocked when said Water Dragon promptly about faced and broke his spine on a rock formation. Naruto didn't hold that incident against Kisame, that's just how he trained. If Naruto couldn't bring himself to kill, he wasn't worth training to do so.

"So, where is this Zabuza guy anyway?"

"Tori no Kuni at the moment, and before you ask, yes he is there. I made sure this time, hired him through an intermediary to attend a meeting between the clients, us, and the muscle, him. He won't know what hit him." Kisame's grin, if possible, became even more shark like.

"So this isn't going to be like that crap in Kaminari no Kuni, then?"

Kisame looked down at the cheeky face smiling up at him and promptly gave in to the urge to smack his apprentice. While Naruto was busy picking himself up off of the ground Kisame kept walking and said; "I told you not to bring that up again Chibi!"

Around a year and a half ago Kisame had been contracted by a politician in the Land of Lightning to take out a rival for some position or other, he'd given Kisame the man's position, but was apparently out of date on the other man's business dealings. Kisame ended up wiping out everyone in the man's country manor before finding out that the lord of the house had been called away for an urgent meeting a few days prior. Needless to say the client had died mysteriously for wasting his damn time, which was Naruto's first solo assassination run. He had to say he was proud of the little brat for that bit of subterfuge; no one even connected it to an assassination. Naruto had used a poison that mimicked the effects of a burst ulcer, completely understandable in the man's line of work.

"Come on brat, we need to get there in three days if we want to make the meeting deadline." Kisame took to the trees, setting a brutal pace that Naruto had to struggle to keep up with. He didn't complain though, it was good training.

That was another thing Kisame liked about the brat, he didn't complain about having to work hard.

* * *

Naruto looked up at his sensei/father figure; that thought momentarily caused him to pause and almost crack up laughing. No one with even half of their sanity intact would ever think of Kisame as even close to being responsible enough to raise a child. They would mostly be right, of course, if Kisame weren't raising said child to be one of the most successful killers on the planet. He paused for a second to get his thoughts in order before expressing himself, "So, this is boring" and was promptly propelled forward by Kisame's "Educational Palm Technique", as the man called it.

"Brat, Zabuza may not be on my level," here Kisame had to pause and laugh, shaking his head at the thought, "but he is a professional, he'll check out the surroundings for ambushes and hidden Shinobi before he even enters the building." A slight, very, very slight scuffing noise from outside the room made them both grin, Kisame shark-like and Naruto a foxy grin that looked much more predatory than playful.

Through the door came a man almost as tall as Kisame himself, with the lower half of his face wrapped in bandages, as soon as he saw Kisame standing there he froze. "Kisame, what the hell is the meaning of this?"

He was good at hiding his emotions, Naruto thought, but he was pretty adept at picking out when people were really terrified of what was going on around them even if they were trying to hide it, a trait he picked up from spending so long with Kisame. He tended to scare the shit out of people that knew who he was and what he was capable of.

"Zabu-chan, I thought it would be pretty obvious. Members of the Kiri no Shinobigatana Shichinin Shū don't seek each other out for many reasons, after all. Especially members that have students." Kisame finished, relishing the moment Zabuza registered Naruto's presence and realized why Kisame had sought him out.

"So, the time's finally come, has it? Very well then, I just have one request should you win our bout."

"Name it."

"You aren't the only one that's picked up an apprentice over the years." Zabuza said, swinging the door open fully to show a black haired child Naruto's age had been standing behind it in a ready stance, Kisame noted this fact with approval.

"Very well, I'll finish her training."

"Ano, Kisame-sama, I'm male." The child responded with little hesitance but an overly polite tone. Naruto knew this tone well; it was an indication of someone that didn't want to be struck down on a whim. This didn't stop Naruto or Kisame from looking at him in shock, however.

"Are you sure? Maybe you're half and half?" Kisame asked bluntly, making the child blush spectacularly at the insinuation.

"Yes I'm sure!" The child yelled, before clapping his hands over his mouth in shock.

"Well," Naruto started to break the following awkward silence, "let's get this death match on a roll so I can get my new sword and start training!"

Zabuza glowered at him but did an abrupt about face, marching out of the building like a man on the way to the gallows. Which thinking further on the situation was pretty damn accurate.

* * *

Naruto and Haku sat in a ramen stand in town waiting on news of which of their respective sensei would be taking over the other's training.

"So, how did you end up with Zabuza?"

"Zabuza-sama took me in when I was homeless and raised me; I am a survivor of the civil war in Kiri that's going on right now, the Blood Line purges. He found me after I had just killed my father, who was attempting to kill me for having a Kekkei Genkai."

"That's pretty fucked up." Naruto stated succinctly while motioning for another bowl of ramen, not noticing Haku's blush at his language. "So, what's your Kekkei Genkai?"

"Ano, I have the ability to combine water and wind to create Hyōton techniques."

"Really? That's awesome, my affinities are for water and wind maybe I can do that too!"

"Ah, sorry Naruto-san, but it's apparently been tried before, apparently there is something special about my family, only we are able to do this."

"Man," Naruto whined, "that sucks. I don't have any cool superpowers or anything except having a demon sealed inside of me." He dove into his next bowl of ramen, completely ignoring Haku's wide eyed disbelieving look. "So, what was Zabuza training you to do? Kisame's training me to kill people." No one ever said the boy was subtle.

"Ah, uhm, Zabuza-sama is teaching me to do whatever it he needs me to do; if he tells me to do something I'll do it."

"Well, yea I know that, but what specifically is he teaching you?"

"Besides basic taijutsu I'm really only learning more control over my bloodline at the moment."

"Oh, alright that's cool."

* * *

"So, you found a brat of your own, did you?" Kisame smirked at Zabuza, who stood across from him in the forest clearing.

"Haku is pretty much the perfect tool for me, unknown, strong and most importantly, utterly devoted."

"Hah! You haven't changed all that much, have you Zabu-chan? I gotta admit, I never expected you to stay for too long after I left anyway."

"Oh? And why do you say that, Shark boy?"

Kisame just grinned widely at the man across from him. "You never could stand being told what to do."

Zabuza grunted in acknowledgement at that fact before narrowing his eyes. "Can we just get this started? If I'm going to die today I'd rather it be sooner than later."

Kisame chuckled as he unlimbered his sword and dashed forward. "Not even a little warm up before you pass on, Zabu-chan? I guess the least I can grant you is a quick death."

Blocking Kisame's swing Zabuza didn't say a thing; he only retaliated with a sweeping and chopping combo of his own, the repeated clangs of Kubikiribōchō clashing against an unwrapped Samehada echoed through the forest that was their chosen battleground.

Zabuza cursed, for a split second he'd taken his eyes off of Kisame when Kubikiribōchō had, for a brief moment, gotten stuck in the trunk of a tree. Snapping off a set of one handed seals he summoned the signature mist of Kirigakure no Jutsu. He knew it wouldn't give him an advantage in this situation, but on the flip side it wouldn't give Kisame an advantage either.

A laugh echoed through the forest. "Really Zabu-chan, you're going to try Silent Killing on me?"

Zabuza vanished and responded in an equally empty, resonant tone. "You'll never know if something will work unless you try it, Shark boy."

"Hahaha, very well Zabu-chan, say them with me now."

"Throat-"

"Brain-"

"Heart-"

"Kidneys-"

"Carotid-"

"Spine-"

"Liver-"

"And lungs." Kisame finished from directly behind him. Zabuza tried to turn around but a spike of unreal killer intent froze him in place for a fraction of a second. The next thing he knew he was looking down at twin Kunai sprouting from the front of his chest, directly through both lungs.

Zabuza coughed, his mouth wrappings immediately staining an extremely deep red, signifying extensive internal injuries. Hacking, he weakly turned his head to Kisame. "Look after the kid, alright? He may be a tool, but he's a good kid."

"I may be a Nukenin, Zabuza-kun, but I'm a man of my word, I'll look after him."

Zabuza nodded faintly barely managing to rasp out "thanks" before he expired.

Kisame stared down at the dead man before him, he wasn't going to take the head for the bounty, and the Mizukage that Zabuza rebelled against was a sick bastard that deserved a good beheading anyway. Shrugging to himself he started forming the hand signs to the only fire technique he knew, one Karyū Endan later and the only thing that remained of Momochi Zabuza were the little bits of skeletal structure that weren't burnt away in the intense flames. Kisame may not have been a sentimental man, but some bonds of brotherhood could withstand a little bit of casual fratricide.

Pulling Kubikiribōchō out from the ground where he'd put it, he set off back towards town. He knew that if he didn't return fast enough that little cretin he called an apprentice would go bankrupt on ramen alone.

* * *

"It was a complete fiasco! We'd planned on a loud assassination to begin with, since it was supposed to be a bit of a statement anyway, y'know? So we get there, there's a man and a woman sleeping in the bed so we plant the tags an' hightail it out of there before they blow, right? So later that week we're waiting for the newspaper to run a story and confirm the death of the Lord and Lady and when the article finally comes we got the Lady but the woman had been cheating on her husband the whole time! So now we had to track the dude down just to get paid. Don't even let me get started on what a pain that was!"

Haku was just sitting off to the side wide-eyed. Zabuza hadn't had him kill anyone yet, he didn't think he was quite ready, but Naruto had apparently been "going to work" with Kisame since he was seven years old! He was barely eleven!

"Hey kids! Did you miss Kisame-Ojisan? Don't bother answering, I know you did. Hey Ji-san, could I get a sea food special? Thanks." Kisame fired off quickly, slamming Kubikiribōchō blade first into the ground next to Naruto's stool. Naruto promptly got hearts in his eyes while examining his new implement of steel edged destruction.

"Ano, Kisame-sama, does this mean that Zabuza-sama is dead?" Haku asked hesitantly, as if afraid of the answer. Given how he'd grown up so far, Kisame considered, he probably was.

"Yea he's gone kid, don't worry though, he went out fighting a strong opponent. A member of the Kiri no Shinobigatana Shichinin Shū couldn't ask for more."

"So, am I going to be traveling with you and Naruto-kun from now on?"

"Hell yea you can come with us!" Naruto yelled off to the side. "You're awesome Haku-chan!" He diplomatically ignored the eye twitch that came with the –chan on the end of Haku's name, internally smirking.

"You're lucky that Zabuza and I had already made an agreement to take care of each other's apprentices before our little fight, brat, or I'd have to give you remedial training after that." Kisame smirked as Naruto suddenly paled and quickly sat forward in his stool, eating with manners that had hereunto been unheard of for the blonde Maelstrom, in Haku's experience.

Haku watched the camaraderie between master and apprentice that the two seemed to share, and had to stifle a laugh because as soon as Kisame turned his full attention to the sea food deluxe ramen that arrived in front of him, Naruto stuck out his tongue and flipped the bird. Faster than Haku's eyes could follow Naruto's tongue was trapped between Kisame's forefinger and thumb while he glared at Naruto out of the corner of his eye.

"You want me to rip that out, Fishcake?"

Getting away after a yelp of pain, Naruto glowered back. "It would just grow back; you overgrown piece of Sushi, save yourself the effort."

"Yes, it would, but Haku-chan and I would have blessed silence in the week it took to do so."

"Please, you'd be bored out of your mind in twenty minutes with only polite little Haku-chan for company."

This continued on for a while, each of them slowly working through a few more bowls of ramen before Haku finally realized that yes, while they were verbally sparring, they were also making fun of him as much as possible during their conversation. His eye twitched again, and for some reason fervently wished that he'd died in Zabuza's place.

"Damn you brat! It's a wonder that I even keep you around!"

"Oh please, I wake up every day and wonder why you haven't been chopped apart at the local fish market yet!"

All conversation between the three stopped dead when a strong voice spoke up behind them.

"And I'm wondering what a Nukenin from Kirigakure no Sato is doing with the Jinchūriki from Konohagakure no Sato."

Samehada was immediately in Kisame's hand and he was out of his stool facing the origination of the voice faster than it took Haku to blink. A second later he registered that Kubikiribōchō had disappeared in a puff of smoke and Naruto was out of sight.

Haku finally turned around. Behind them, standing in a very subtle ready stance, was a man that Zabuza had spoken of with something almost resembling respect. Tall and well built with red markings on his cheeks and spiky white hair tied back in a pony tail with two bangs framing his face. Green Shinobi cloth and mesh armor clothing covered by a red sage coat and topped off with a large scroll tied to his back and a forehead protector with horns and the Kanji for "oil" on it.

"Jiraiya no Sannin," Kisame said in a very good imitation of nonchalance, "what brings you to these parts?"

* * *

Haku looked back and forth between the two legendary Nin facing off in the middle of the street. He was out of his depth, he had no clue what to do, and just them starting to raise their killer intent at each other was making him choke and shiver. Backing off slowly, he heard a soft sound back in the direction of the ramen stand; looking back he noticed that Naruto's latest bowl of ramen that had been abandoned after one bite when Jiraiya had showed up had disappeared. That broke the spell and he couldn't help it, he face palmed.

"So, care to answer my question? Just what are you doing with Uzumaki Naruto? He disappeared almost six years ago after a traitor; long since interrogated executed, took him out of Konoha and left him for dead."

"Heh, I found the kid in the middle of the forest, completely cut up and bleeding everywhere. I decided that anyone that could take that kind of punishment and not give up and die would make an amazing apprentice, and I was right."

"So you didn't kidnap him?"

"No."

"He's happy with you?"

"Little bastard never stops smiling, no matter what kind of training I put him through."

"He's never given any indication that he wants to leave?"

"The kid could go freelance as a B-rank Nin right now and he knows it, but he still sticks around."

"Good enough for me." Jiraiya said and relaxed his stance, walking up the ramen bar with Kisame following him, he ordered while the Monster of the Mist went back to his latest, still warm, Sea Food Special.

Naruto meanwhile reappeared with his now empty ramen bowl and called for his own next serving.

Kisame looked over at the kid and had to fight back the impulse to smack him. "You brought your ramen with you?"

Naruto looked up at him as if the answer was obvious. "Well, yea. If you two were going to have an epic showdown or something I wasn't going to watch without a snack."

Jiraiya burst out laughing at the child's audacity while Kisame just grumbled about disrespectful students.

"So, Jiraiya-sama, you're not going to take the kid back by force or anything? Cause that would really put a cramp in me teaching him everything I know and unleashing him upon the world."

Jiraiya pondered this for a moment before shrugging. "I'm extremely loyal to my home, don't get me wrong, but I'm more loyal to the kid's parents when it comes down to it. Konoha let it happen, no matter the excuse, and he seems happy with you. We'll just have to talk later about a couple of requests that I'd like to make about his training before we part ways. Though you may want to think about joining up with a hidden village soon, because I'll have to report that I'd found him, and Konoha will want to get him back."

Kisame just grunted in acknowledgement.

Naruto piped up from the side. "Yea, we've been following the progress of the civil war in Kiri, once we get enough info about it we were thinking of going and pitching in."

Jiraiya looked at Kisame for conformation, the Shark-like Nin nodded, making Jiraiya nod back in turn. "From what I've gotten out of there in the past few years, the resistance is actually starting to gain ground, something about an up-and-coming Kunoichi that's really strategy savvy and really strong for her age."

"Name?"

"Only a family name, Terumi."

Kisame gave a short, pleased laugh. "I knew a Terumi back when I was still there before the purges started, he was a damn good Shinobi, able to use both Yōton and Futton, damn shame he's probably dead by now. Who knows, though, this kid could be his little girl."

"Ano, Kisame-sama, would I be safe going back there?" Haku asked from his reclaimed seat.

Jiraiya gave a start and looked over at the child before turning back to Kisame. "Cute kid, what's her name?"

Haku suddenly felt the inexplicable urge to form an ice knife and stab this Jiraiya.

"I am a boy, and my name is Haku!"

Jiraiya gave a start and looked back at Haku, his eyes squinting just a little bit. "Are you half and half?"

Giving off the roar of an enraged child, Haku jumped at the Gama Sennin in a cry of fury and proceeded to try his best to kill him. He promised to do the same to Naruto and Kisame when their uproarious laughter reached his ears.

* * *

The two legends and two legends in training were sitting around inside of a recently rented hotel suite, discussing Naruto's life up until that point in time, with Kisame and Jiraiya hammering out the details of a deal that they hadn't deemed necessary to reveal to the children yet.

"So, he signs it and starts to study seals in depth, sometimes going to the mountain to train with you and in return, we go to Kiri to help out with that war and try and get the resources of a Hidden Village behind us again, and you'll get off my back about him?"

Jiraiya stared back with an unusually serious expression on his face before giving a nod. "I promised his father that I'd look after him, I've obviously failed on that front but you seem to be doing just as good of a job as I could. I personally don't see a problem with the arrangement, and Hiruzen-sensei will understand. If not the worst that he'll do is try and chop off my junk."

Kisame winced and nodded his acquiescence to the plan, before standing up and offering his hand to the Sennin sitting across from him. Jiraiya followed suit and they clasped wrists, sealing the deal.

"So, now that all of the serious shit for the night is out of the way, I've got a request, Jiraiya-sama."

Jiraiya looked back at Kisame speculatively, silently inviting him to make it.

Kisame gave a huge shark grin, this one for once not threatening, and pulled out a scroll. In a puff of smoke a whole pile of mint-condition books and paraphernalia appeared on it, Kisame standing behind it with a smile as smooth as a used-car salesman's.

"Sign my Icha-Icha first edition collector's books and memorabilia!" He asked with his most inviting smile.

Jiraiya just laughed and pulled out a pen that had "Author's Friend Autograph Pen" printed on the side. "I'd be delighted to Kisame-kun; I always love meeting a fan!"

Naruto and Haku both gave of identical sighs of long suffering, and locked eyes, wondering what they must have done in past lives to deserve something like this.

* * *

"So I just sign it?"

"Yep."

"In blood?"

"Uh huh."

"And then do my finger prints?"

"Damn it brat! Just do as I told you so I can teach you this and be on my way!"

"Alright alright, yeesh don't have a heart attack grandpa." He agreed, with no small amount of suspicion in his voice. Naruto knelt down next to the scroll that Jiraiya had produced via a Toad summon. Taking out a kunai he nicked his finger with it and started signing. Given his regeneration rate he'd had to cut himself six more times just to finish it all.

Jiraiya had spent the night at the same hotel as the other three, in the morning they'd all gone out to a nearby field and, after Haku had visited the site of Zabuza's cremation and been able to say his goodbyes, started training.

Off to the side Kisame was drilling Haku in what he knew, and correcting and teaching him new tricks where applicable. He had to admit, he didn't seem the type but Zabuza had apparently been a pretty good teacher. Not as good as himself, of course, but still decent nonetheless.

Naruto had already been given a beginners guide to seals, and after he'd identified and blown through everything in that and half the second beginners book just that morning, Jiraiya had given him the rest of the series for after he finished with his current volume and started him on the basics of summoning. Kisame and Haku had been originally astounded at Naruto's fast pace with seals, Kisame more-so because he knew just how hellacious that particular ninja art was to learn. After Jiraiya had explained a bit of the history of the Uzumaki family, and that his master that he'd learned the art from in that clan had made both him and Minato Namikaze, who'd in turn outstripped Jiraiya by light years, look like toddlers scrabbling around in the dark, Kisame just let it go.

"Okay, here I go." Naruto started, he formed the hand seals and started to gather Chakra. Jiraiya was suitably impressed at the amount he was able to generate so early in his life. He was even more impressed when it kept rising. When Naruto started to reach the amount of Chakra that Jiraiya actively had running through his coils when he was completely rested up Jiraiya started to freak out. Before he could stop him, it was too late.

With a cry of "Kuchiyose no Jutsu!", Naruto slammed his blood covered palm into the ground and generated a gigantic puff of smoke.

Jiraiya looked up at what he knew was coming, and paled and whimpered at the enraged yell that came forth. All he managed to squeak out was a weak "oh balls."

"JIRAIYA! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF SUMMONING ME! I THOUGHT I MADE IT CLEAR THAT YOU HAD PENANCE TO PAY AFTER YOU USED ME TO ESCAPE THE WOMEN IN TSUCHI NO KUNI!"

'_Yea_,' Jiraiya thought, '_I'm boned_'.

High above him, Gamabunta loomed, scarred face glowering down menacingly.

* * *

A thirteen year old Naruto stood at a table in, what appeared to be, a very well maintained cave. Surrounding him were Kisame, Haku and most of the Kiri rebel faction's leadership including Ao, a young man around Naruto and Haku's age named Chōjūrō and of course the brand new leader elect, Terumi Mei. Mei was, in Naruto's educated opinion, an absolutely gorgeous girl at the age of seventeen and the size of his crush on her had become a bit of a running gag in the two years since he, Kisame and Haku had joined up with the rebels. He didn't care for a number of reasons, one being that he was raised by Kisame, if a little teasing would be able to ruffle his feathers enough to get to him in any way Kisame would probably kill him out of embarrassment himself and two, she was smoking hot! His words. It didn't hurt that, while she was too young for him to entertain any notions about her, Kisame had agreed wholeheartedly.

Haku just blushed and looked down demurely whenever she talked directly to him. He was polite like that. Or it could be the massive amount of cleavage she regularly showed in her normal attire.

Naruto just took every opportunity to hug her that she could. Mei herself didn't do anything to deter this by calling Naruto the "cutest young man she had ever seen". Chōjūrō didn't like Naruto too much.

"So," Naruto started off, "this is it?"

Nodding her head in acknowledgement, Mei turned to Kisame. "Are you prepared for your part in the assault?"

Kisame just gave his usual shark-like smile. "Leave everything to me, Mei-chan; I've been doing this longer than you've been alive."

That was another thing Mei liked about Kisame, he never commented on her increasing age in a negative way. Giving the big man a pat on the arm she turned to the three younger boys at the table, though she guessed that they couldn't really be called boys anymore, seeing as how they'd all fought and killed their own fare share of Shinobi over the years. "And what about you three? Are you ready for this as well?"

Naruto spoke up before Chōjūrō could even get a word in; much to the young man's consternation. "You bet Mei-chan!" He said giving her a big thumbs up and receiving a glower from Chōjūrō. "You can count on us to do anything!" Haku and Chōjūrō voiced their agreement a moment later, both blushing and looking away as Mei stepped right in front of them with a soft smile on her face, she furthered their embarrassment, and made Naruto's day, as she leaned down and gave them all a kiss on the forehead, leaving behind a blue imprint of her lips from her favored shade of lipstick.

Straightening up she beamed at them. "You three are the future of the Kiri no Shinobigatana Shichinin Shū, I have high hopes for your futures."

All three seemed to glow with the praise and stood up just that much straighter.

Turning to Ao she gave him a firm nod. "We go to face our destiny tonight, Ao, are you ready for this? It may just end up with the complete destruction of the rebellion, and this is the last chance to see if Yagura really is under a Genjutsu."

"I'm sure he is, but I'm equally as sure that we won't be able to break it, can you bring yourself to kill him if we need too?" Receiving a firm nod to his question he looked around at the rest of the gathered commanders. "Well then, let's get this show on the road." With that the various Nin scattered, going about their assigned tasks. Waiting until they were alone, he couldn't stop himself from asking, "what do you think of Naruto's command potential?"

Having expected this question, Mei simply grinned at Ao for a while before responding. "I believe that Naruto may just be the most powerful Nin in Kirigakure no Sato in a few year's time. That is if we don't all die tonight, of course."

"Of course."

* * *

Naruto, Haku and Chōjūrō had been on their "sabotage and distraction" mission for about an hour and a half so far, their job was to slow down any reinforcements that may or may not be on their way to assist the Yondaime Mizukage in his confrontation with the two supreme leaders of the resistance. So far they'd managed to put all of the itching powder inside of the ANBU uniforms and masks, disabled the electrical alarm system and put padding on the manual bells so that they wouldn't make nearly the required amount of noise to put the rest of the village on high alert. The main reason behind such methods was to leave village infrastructure intact, and to keep as many Kiri Shinobi alive as possible. Not all of them prescribed to Yagura's ideology, but if you didn't want to get executed for dereliction of duty in a Hidden Village, you generally did what you were told.

"I can't believe we're doing something so childish to slow down Yagura's reinforcements." Apparently Chōjūrō didn't think much of Naruto's plan. Or the fact that he'd somehow been able to convince Mei-sama of it in such a short amount of time.

"Ah come on Chōjūrō-kun, you've just never tried to fight with itching powder in your uniform before, have you?" Naruto wheedled with a mischievous grin on his face. "I know for a fact that Haku-chan has, why don't you tell him about it Haku-chan."

Haku, seemingly ignoring select parts of Naruto's little speech just gripped his hands into fists before forcing himself to relax; Naruto had promised never to bring that up again. "I have had the displeasure of being on the receiving end of one of Naruto's…gags…it was one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life, trying to fight with itching powder in my battle-kimono." He didn't finish the story and tell Chōjūrō that he'd been forced to strip in the middle of the village that they'd been staying in just to get away from the powder.

Naruto had to interject here. "You know how weird it is to be best friends with a boy that, when he's wearing a kimono, is more attractive than half of the women you meet? Of course he has absolutely nothing on Mei-chan." Naruto just trailed off with a dreamy look in his eyes, receiving a growl of annoyance from Chōjūrō.

Coughing, Haku brought the conversation back on track. "Yes, well, Mei-sama's beauty aside, fighting when encumbered by itching powder is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, you get sloppy and make so many mistakes that you might as well be standing still."

Chōjūrō looked over at Haku, he knew how skilled both boys were, they'd trained together enough for him to be well aware of their combat prowess. Haku was an extremely skilled and precise combatant; almost nothing would distract him from a fight so he'd be willing to take his word for it. And he didn't want to admit it, but he was somewhat scared of Naruto. Anyone raised and trained by the "Kirigakure no Kaijin" was someone to be treated with caution and respect. Even if he did act like a complete goofball half of the time.

"So!" Naruto chirped, "we've got the alarms and the uniforms, my Kage Bunshin just finished super gluing their Kunai and Shuriken together, did we miss anything?"

"The traps, and I still don't see why my Mizu Bunshin couldn't have done the gluing, they knew exactly where to go."

Naruto got in an instructor stance, Gods Chōjūrō hated the instructor stand, like he was any older than him! "Because Chōjūrō-kun, Mizu Bunshin leaves water behind, Kage Bunshin leaves smoke. Yours would have been noticed that much sooner by the patrols. Speaking of, we've gotta scram before said patrols find us, so let's go!"

Chōjūrō just gave another frustrated growl, accepting the sympathizing pat on the back that Haku gave him with a grateful nod.

All that would ever signify that the three had been there at all was some itching powder, some padding, some cunningly laid and annoying yet non-lethal traps, a cut wire and empty glue bottles in the trash.

* * *

Kisame would never admit it out loud, not with copious amounts of torture at least. That momentarily made him pause mid killing-stroke in amusement, before the gurgling of an unclean kill made him look down and finish the job. But he was enjoying being back in his homeland. It didn't hurt that the Mizukage-presumptive was a scrumptious looking girl, he had to completely ignore the fact that said scrumptious looking girl just might be able to kill him, but he hadn't realized just how much he missed the mist shrouded lands he'd been born to.

Looking down at his latest kill, a man called Yama, or Yamo or Yam something he nodded in satisfaction. He didn't care about the guy's name, he just cared that the guy had been supportive of the genocide going on in Mizu no Kuni. Now, Kisame was, as mentioned before, very supportive of the "survival of the fittest" mentality, that didn't mean, however, that he'd go out and kill someone just because they couldn't defend themselves against him; there was absolutely no point in killing the helpless.

Plus he liked quite a few people with Kekkei Genkai, Haku and Mei chief among them, but he honestly didn't mind the rest of the resistance that possessed them either. He got along with a fair number of them, they weren't mewling little sycophants trying to get on his good side, and they were actually standing up for what they believed in and were extremely loyal, if not to the current Mizukage, then to the people of Kiri as a whole. Kisame could appreciate loyalty; it was what got him into the Kiri no Shinobigatana Shichinin Shū in the first place. Executing traitors was a bit of specialty of his. He'd also admired Yagura for quite a while for his hard line against traitors. It was just too bad that the man had to turn out bat shit insane.

Making his way out the window and on to his next and final target of the night, his head snapped up as what could only be described as a pillar of demonic energy shot up in the distance. He knew from the maps that everyone had memorized that that was where Mei and Ao were engaging Yagura. Judging the distance he shrugged it off, if they were dead or fatally injured then there was nothing he would be able to do about it in the amount of time it would take him to get there, and Naruto, Haku and Chōjūrō were all much closer anyway. Unwrapping Samehada he decided that she'd been patient enough and he'd had enough of stealth for the night; she could feast on what little chakra the next fat civilian would possess.

* * *

The three teen's heads all snapped up in unison as shouts of alarm and clamoring came from behind them in the compound that they had just vacated. Looking at each other they all gave identical no-nonsense nods, Chōjūrō and Naruto completely ignoring their semi-rivalry before they all sped off in the same direction.

They had a future Mizukage to look after.

Landing in a clearing with, what appeared to be, a shallow smoking crater and a softly sizzling skeleton inside of it Naruto immediately rushed over to assist Mei in standing up, Haku doing the same for Ao while Chōjūrō secured the perimeter.

Naruto broke the silence. "Mei-sama, what happened here? Is that all that's left of Yagura?"

Noting the boy's use of the honorific and his ability to go from the carefree kidder to professional Shinobi in the blink of an eye, Ao nodded in satisfaction and spoke up for them. "Hai Naruto-kun, Yagura committed suicide, he released the Sanbi from its seal."

This was enough of a shock for Naruto that he almost dropped Kubikiribōchō before catching himself and steadying his grip, he glanced up at Mei who was leaning on his shoulder for support. "Is that true Mei-sama? It's not that I don't trust Ao's opinion, but bijū tend to be very tricky business."

Mei finally glanced over at Naruto; she gave a firm nod and a small "thank you" before taking her own weight again. "Hai, we were finally able to dispel the Genjutsu that had been placed on him during our encounter, when everything came rushing back to him, all of the slaughters that he'd ordered he released the Sanbi and killed himself. It looked to be one of the most painful experiences anyone had ever undertaken."

Chōjūrō spoke up from where he was watching their backs. "That doesn't surprise me Mei-sama, he was old enough that his bijū would be completely intertwined with his chakra network, that would be most excruciating for it to be removed, voluntarily or not."

Naruto was forced to agree with the intelligent young man's observation. "I'm already completely integrated with the Kyūbi in me, I'm so used to it that I don't think I'd ever be able to imagine what he went through in that moment. But we must get away from here, Mei-sama; we need to consolidate our hold on the village as soon as possible."

Nodding her agreement Mei sent the signal for their forces to move into the city on her radio headset before a sound behind them made them all turn and fall into a ready stance.

"So, we're done with this whole rebellion business then?" It was just Kisame.

Relaxing their guard now that there was yet another Kage level Shinobi in the area, that was on their side at least, they all formed a loose circle around Mei and began escorting her to the village.

"Looks like it Big and Blue, you ready to be a responsible member of a Ninja Village again?" The look of horror on Kisame's face made Naruto almost lose control of himself with laughter. He was promptly propelled forward thanks to Kisame's "Educational Palm Technique".

"Brat! Don't try and scare me into going Nukenin again, because I totally will!"

"Mei-chan! He hit me!"

Mei just looked at a recovering Naruto with a serene smile. "Sometimes you deserve to be hit, Naruto-kun."

Naruto pouted.

Mei gave in to his cuteness and hugged his face into her massive cleavage.

Naruto gave a fuming Chōjūrō a thumbs-up behind Mei's back before wrapping his arms around her to return the hug.

* * *

The three new members and member presumptive (Haku) of the new generation, and in Kisame's case reinstated generation, of the Seven Swordsmen were sitting around a table in a conference room along with Ao, who was the new head of the Oinin division, and Terumi Mei, newly instated Godaime Mizukage. It had taken about a week for all of the fighting to die down in Kirigakure no Sato proper, but for a coup it went surprisingly efficient with relatively few hiccups along the way. They'd been all called here for some news that Ao apparently had.

Looking at the head of the Oinin, Mei decided to get the meeting moving. She may be solidly the new Mizukage, but she still had many projects to oversee before the village and country as a whole finally settled down. "What was it you wished to share with us, Ao?"

Ao sighed before gathering his thoughts and deciding to just go for it. "Well, after we put out the calls for displaced citizens of Mizu no Kuni to return we got some pretty surprising news. The Uchiha clan was wiped out in Konoha three days ago."

A thundering silence was all that greeted him before, like so many times previously, Naruto broke it with a well thought out, intelligent conclusion.

"Well, sucks for them. What's for lunch?"

* * *

Alright, there's the prologue. Not many changes, but the ones that were made are pretty subtle and hit on things that I'd skipped over before that didn't make sense after I went back over it, so they can be pretty important. Read, review and tell me what you think. Chapter two is already in my drabble file, but I'll be expanding it and changing some pretty important facts before I post it as the official second chapter, some things pertaining to Naruto's family and the situation in Kiri in general.

ALSO: I know that Kubikiri already has a special ability, it repairs itself with the iron in the blood of people it cuts into. I think this ability is fucking stupid, and it will not be in my fic. In fact quite a few of the Seven Swordsman swords are fucking stupid, and I either won't bother with Kiri trying to return them or they will break at some point in the fic, making it so the village has needs to procure new ones. That or I'll just change them outright like I did with Kubikiri.

Honestly, a sewing needle sword? The LAST thing any swordsman wants is something trailing behind them that can get caught and hung up on something to either slow them down or make them lose their grip on the sword, its got to be the stupidest idea Kishimoto has come up with since Sharingan God Power Number Twelve, or whatever they're on now.


	2. Chapter 1

The Demon Shark and the Fish Cake

Chapter One

Or: Meet the Uzumaki

Disclaimer: I own none of the Intellectual Properties represented in this collection of ramblings. If I did, they would be much more interesting and I wouldn't be attending school.

* * *

It was another beautiful day in Kirigakure no Sato. The birds were singing, the sun was almost penetrating the perpetual mist and the toads were croaking their little hearts out. All in all, you wouldn't be able to tell that the village had been involved in a civil war just four and a half years ago.

The Mizukage's office was located in a very large, very practical looking squat stone tower. In the office, the casual observer would expect to find Terumi Mei hard at work, doing her part in making everything in the village run. They would, of course, have been right, had one Uzumaki Naruto not been currently visiting.

The sounds of, what appeared to be, an intense make-out session were coming from behind a large, exceedingly comfortable looking chair. Over the top of the chair could be seen two heads joined together, one of which had a red stylized not-quite top knot, and the other was covered in what could only be called a blonde sea urchin in hair form.

In front of this desk were three Genin rank Ninja, all of which shared the similar facial features of family members, as well as similar wide-eyed shocked looks. The boy, Tekkai, was a solidly built young man, tall for his age with short cut, almost severe white hair and red eyes. The girls, however, were a bit of the opposite. Sayuri and Sakiko both had red hair and gray eyes, they were both, ahem, well formed for their thirteen years of age, and both dressed to show off what developing curves they had. They were also little deviants who one day dreamed of tricking both their Mizukage and their Sensei into bed. Naruto thought it was uproariously hilarious. Mei thought it was kind of cute. No one ever said they were completely sane.

"Cough", obviously Tekkai thought that it would be a good time to interrupt, earning twin glares from his fraternal twin sisters.

The chair swiveled around to show a rumpled looking Godaime Mizukage, who managed to look drop dead sexy even though she was slightly embarrassed, and a happily grinning Uzumaki Naruto.

"What can we do for you, my adorable students?"

"Erm, Sensei, we all came here together, we're supposed to get a mission from Mei-sama." Tekkai, bless his heart, managed to maintain eye-contact with his Sensei despite the voluptuous Mizukage fixing her dress right in front of him, making sure she was displaying a tasteful yet not excessive amount of décolletage. "You just jumped her the second we came in so we weren't able to get our mission." The furious blush on his face proved that he was getting an eyeful via peripheral vision anyway.

His sisters didn't even bother to look away.

Mei stood up, having fixed her dress, and pulled Naruto out of her chair before shoving him around to the other side of her desk, giving his ass a playful spank to hurry him along. "Now," she started, clearing her throat, "since we're still consolidating all of the connections we lost during the infighting, we need to send someone over to Nami no Kuni in order to reconnect with our trading partners. That's where you four come in; you're all on light duty in order to stay fit enough for the upcoming Chūnin Exams in Konoha so this will be perfect for you."

Naruto, straightening up and coming to attention showed that he could, in fact, be serious. In spite of what Haku and that Chōjūrō said, the latter's jealousy notwithstanding. "What is it you require us to do, Mizukage-sama?"

Smiling at her lover's ability to switch attitudes so seamlessly, Mei continued with the briefing. "You four are to go to Nami and look up a man named Tazuna, according to our reports from the area; he's the local community leader in their biggest port town. Also, while you are there you may be called upon to perform two assassinations, one of them is a business man named Gato, and he's reportedly been slowly taking over all shipping in the area and setting himself up as some sort of pseudo-Daimyo. If this is true, and the people really are suffering, kill him and return the funds that he's reportedly stolen to their rightful owners." She paused to make sure all four of them understood. Catching her look Naruto saluted with a fist to the chest in the traditional Kiri fashion.

"Understood Mizukage-sama, what is the second target?"

"There have been reports that Gato has hired Kurosuki Raiga," she paused to let the three Genin's gasps get past them, "if he is unwilling to return peacefully to Kirigakure, you are to kill him and bring the Kiba back to Kiri for a future member of the Swordsmen to take up. Is that clear?"

Naruto stared at her completely emotionlessly before breaking out into a grin that, to anyone who knew his primary sensei, would tell them just who had trained and raised him without even knowing the fact. His students called it the Kisame-smile.

"Clear as Haku-chan's ice, Mei-chan."

"Then you three are dismissed, you'll be meeting back up with me in Konoha for the treaty negotiations and lead up to the Chūnin Exams so go there after your mission is complete."

The four Nin in front of her acknowledged her orders with a resounding "Hai Mizukage-sama" before turning to trek out the door.

"Oh, Naruto," Mei started, causing the blonde to turn around with a questioning look on his face. Blushing Mei motioned to his mouth and the area around it, raising a hand Naruto ran his fingers along his lips and looked at them. Blue lipstick, the exact same shade that Mei favored, had come off on his fingers. Grinning, the blonde pulled a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiped his face down before smiling radiantly at Mei.

"I'll see you in Konoha Mei-koi." He said, smiling wider at her blush at the affectionate name before giving him a naughty grin.

"We'll have to test out the hotel beds while we're there." She said, delighting in the way he giggled as he walked out the door.

* * *

"Alright kids," Naruto started as the four of them walked through the streets of Kiri, "you've all been on C-rank missions before, so I don't have to explain what you need to pack," he continued as they walked up a path to a compound and he opened a door for his students, "let's get our shit and get out of here before Kenchi finds me again."

He noticed the smirks on all three of his student's faces before a hand connected with the back of his head sharply, causing him to yelp in shock and spin around.

"Tatsuki-chan!" Naruto smiled delightedly.

Uzumaki Tatsuki was a stunning woman around her mid 30's, her deep black hair gleamed in the light streaming in through the windows and seemed to make her attractive face light up, and only enhanced her bright green eyes. Her body showed absolutely no signs of having given birth to triplets, and besides the fact that she was now retired she kept herself in excellent shape.

"Naruto-kun, what have I said about that sort of language in the house?"

"Don't use it where you can hear it?" He asked hesitantly, ignoring his snickering students as they headed up the stairs. He yelped again as she kicked his shin.

"Wrong answer," the mother growled, "and you're too late, Kenchi put in another seal on the gate to warn him when you entered the compound and he wants to see you."

Naruto just gave a long suffering sigh before hanging his head and slouching off through a doorway leading back further into the house. He paused at the entrance to the hallway and looked over his shoulder to give a pleading look back at Tatsuki, who pointed a stern finger down the hallway while stifling a smile and just said "Go". Giving a long suffering sigh, Naruto set off down the hallway to have his meeting with the cantankerous Uzumaki clan head.

Knocking softly at the office door, mostly in hopes that the man wouldn't hear him and he'd be able to sneak away, he was just turning around with a happy grin on his face when a loud "Come in!" echoed through the door.

"Dammit," Naruto sighed and opened the door, closing it behind him.

"Oh stop acting like it's such a chore to come see me brat, you're going to be doing this yourself some day, I won't live forever you know."

"Shit you've already lived forever, how can you live for forever again?" Naruto asked, idly dodging the pen that was thrown at his head and proceeded to stick into the wall behind him.

"Keep talking you little turd, you're lucky you're such a good student or I'd definitely teach you a thing or two about manners."

Naruto snorted softly and smiled at the aged man in front of him. Uzumaki Kenchi had been tasked with keeping track of the scattered elements of the Uzumaki clan after the hidden village of Uzushiogakure was destroyed. Contrary to popular belief, many of the Ninja had survived the destruction of the village, and Kenchi had been the only one to know where they all were, and Kenchi was the one that led over one hundred adults and a hundred and fifty children to Kirigakure when he'd met with Naruto, who had pledged to have a home build for his wayward kin.

An aged Shinobi that, rumor had it and Naruto knew as fact, was in the same league as the Kage, Kenchi had white thinning hair and a white beard that came half way down his chest. Kenchi greatly reminded Naruto of the Sandaime Hokage, a kind old man in many ways, but if you looked carefully enough you could see in his eyes a cold edge that told you that if you stepped too far out of line, the old man would break you without a moment's hesitation or effort on his part.

Naruto could believe it; this was, after all, the man who had taught Jiraiya the art of Fuinjutsu. And he could be a scary mother fucker when push came to shove. He'd beaten Naruto's ass thoroughly enough when he'd first started teaching him at the age of fourteen. Said ass beating had only been accomplished with Fuinjutsu, the old man didn't even bother to use any weapons or any other ninja techniques; his seal making speed was insane.

The fact that he knew the secret to drawing Fuinjutsu in the dirt with his feet and activating them just by channeling chakra into them had freaked Naruto the hell out at first. That tends to happen when you find yourself incapacitated in the center of a giant exploding seal drawn on the ground in a training area after not taking the old man seriously.

It didn't hurt that no matter how hard he tried, Naruto just _couldn't_ do that, and the old man reminded him of it often.

"So, you're taking the triplets on another C-rank?"

"Yea, we're going to re-establish contact and discussions with Wave, I'm supposed to find Raiga and kill him if he refuses to come back to Kiri."

Kenchi just snorted. "Raiga is a psychopath; you'll most likely end up killing him."

"Yea, he's not even a very skilled psychopath either; frankly I'm surprised that Ao hasn't tasked someone to track his ass down and kill him yet."

"Ao has been fairly busy lately, we're still occasionally running across Nukenin that left during Yagura's reign instead of joining the rebellion, a few of them are returning but most of them are resisting, the Oinin have been kept busy."

"Well we won't be back until after the first two parts of the Chūnin Exams, Mei-chan needs to conclude the negotiations that she and Sarutobi-jiji started last month in when he was here, I can't believe he actually made the trip out here."

"Hah, Hiruzen has always been fairly spry, it doesn't surprise me that he's still mobile even after having been an active ninja for over fifty years."

"As opposed to your seventy years? Damn you're a fossil."

* * *

"Pssst."

Startled, Naruto's Genin team whipped around and looked behind them to see their Sensei crouched in the bushes, twigs and leaves sticking in his hair.

"Sensei?" Tekkai asked hesitantly.

"We gotta get the hell out of here before Kenchi realizes that I left him with a clone."

Sayuri, or Sakiko, he wasn't sure, sighed. "Oh Sensei, when are you going to stop riling him up? You know that this isn't good for his heart."

Naruto gingerly climbed out of the bush, yelping as a branch whipped back and poked him in soft tissue. "You know, I like to think of it as keeping the old bastard on his toes."

The other identical twin looked at him, slightly exasperated. "He had a mild heart attack when you left that string of fire crackers in his desk, Naruto-sensei."

Naruto idly waved his hand, as if shooing away a fly. "Details details. We need to get a move on in a rather quick fashion, children, it's time we got on the road."

Tekkai shared a skeptical glance with his sisters before looking back up at their sensei. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do a thin-" BAM!

The three students all jumped and looked back at their house, smoke was pouring out of where they knew Kenchi's office was located, an enraged shout of "TEKKAI!" signaled that their sensei had done something. Again.

Turning back to where Naruto was standing they saw nothing more than a diminishing cloud of Chakra smoke, whirling around they quickly found their Sensei, about half a mile down the road.

The figure cupped its hands to its mouth to magnify its voice. "I totally pinned that on you guys so you'll want to start hustling right about now!"

Tekkai shared a look with his sisters before they all started running in their Sensei's direction. "I'll kill that man eventually, mark my words, he will die in a horrific manner."

"Brother," one of the twins started, the other picked it up, "don't look behind us, but Kenchi is following."

Tekkai looked. "Oh dear God, he's got his sealing supplies!"

"We told you not to look." The twins said together, before all three picked up their speed to try to catch up with their cackling Sensei.

* * *

"I can't believe we stole a boat." Tekkai had been skeptical about the whole thing from the word "go", but Naruto was right in the fact that they had to get over the channel separating the closest Mizu Island and Nami some way, and boat was the most efficient, especially if they were engaged by enemy combatants on the far shore.

"Ah ah ah!" Naruto started, waggling his finger at Tekkai in a chiding fashion. "We _commandeered_ this _vessel_, we're on a boat now Tekkai, use nautical terms."

Tekkai just sighed and glanced at his sisters for support. Both of them were grinning like loons and looking up at the stars above. There was absolutely no help coming from that front.

"Fine," Tekkai gritted out, "I can't believe we _commandeered _this _vessel_, Naruto-niisan."

"Stop being such a stick in the mud Tekkai." Sayuri started, or it could have been Sakiko, he'd turned his back and lost track.

"Naruto-kun would never do this without having a way to return it to the owner." The other finished.

"Aaah, the glories of Kage Bunshin no Jutsu." Naruto said with a contented sigh, joining the girls in staring at the stars in the approaching dawn.

Tekkai just grumbled. Kenchi had caught him and put a numbing seal on his tongue; it would last for another four hours. Supposedly.

* * *

After going ashore and Naruto sending the boat back with his Kage Bunshin, one of the twins broke the comfortable silence that had descended on the group during the boat ride.

"So, Naruto-sensei, have you ever been to Nami before?" He was pretty sure that was Sayuri, but he'd lost track of which was which when he was busy laughing at Tekkai getting the seal applied to him. Silently cursing the fact, yet again, he decided to not answer by name.

"Yea, Kisame and I had to go through Nami in order to get to Tori no Kuni when we were getting Kubikiribōchō from Zabuza." He replied, holding up his right hand to show the intricate sealing array he'd tattooed into his palm that housed his sword. It was much more convenient to carry this way, he didn't need the strength or endurance training that would come from him lugging around a huge piece of tempered Mizu no Kuni steel all day every day. Finally getting fed up with it catching on every doorframe, tree and errant child he walked by in his everyday life he'd inked the containment seal into his palm just after his fifteenth birthday.

"So," Tekkai began, "Raiga huh? You think you can take him, Sensei?" All this did was generate a laugh from Naruto, as if there was anyone he _couldn't_ take on.

"Yea, Raiga was talented but he's not the best to ever use the Kiba, not to mention one of my affinities completely negates their special ability." He said, forming a blade of wind around his fist for emphasis.

"When do we get to start Elemental training Naruto-sensei?" Sayuri asked with a pout, he _knew_ it was Sayuri because she liked to pout and show off her lips more than Sakiko did.

Sakiko showed off her breasts more.

"Eh, let's see how well you three do in the Chūnin Exams and I'll think about starting you on it." Naruto casually evaded. Training your element could be exceptionally dangerous, the only reason he was allowed to do so at such a young age was because of his insane regeneration thanks to the deal he'd struck with Kyūbi. "You two are going to have to learn more about healing before I'd feel safe letting you three start, especially if any of you turn out to have a wind affinity, the only reason I still have my thumb and not a stub is thanks to my regeneration."

The color draining from their faces showed that that was enough to discourage them and bring a savage grin to Naruto's face. He may adhere to some of his Sensei's more brutal training practices, but he knew that his students didn't have the same advantages that he himself did. Sayuri even forgot to get indignant at being caught out as Sayuri.

"Sensei, is this the place?" Tekkai asked, bringing them all up short. In front of them was a modest house with a pier next to it, inside on the ground floor there were lights on and they could hear voices coming out of the open doorway. The sudden scream and yell of "if you touch him I'll bite my tongue off!" brought all four of them to complete combat readiness. Out of the door two thuggish looking men were dragging an attractive blue haired woman that couldn't be more than thirty, following behind with a furious scowl on his face and a kitchen knife in hand was a child that conversely couldn't be more than ten.

"Tekkai, kill them." Was all Naruto had to say before his male student disappeared from his side in a Kawarimi no Jutsu and the young mother appeared in his place. "Sayuri, Sakiko, tend to her." Was his next order; both girls quickly moved to her side and began scanning her with their respective medical techniques. Looking back towards the pier he just caught the end of his male student's fight as two kunai were plunged into the back of each man's head, severing their spines and brain stem in one stroke. Nodding at Tekkai in approval of the quick, clean kills he walked over and lugged them both up over his shoulders before walking onto dry land and throwing them down a ways away from the house, before incinerating them with a Karyū Endan.

Looking back over at Tekkai, who had just finished washing the blood off of his knives in the ocean, he motioned with his eyes to the, apparently, traumatized kid. Nodding in acceptance of the silent order the older boy turned to the younger and, with a touch to the shoulder, knocked him out of his daze and began conversing with him. Kneeling down in front of the now calm but still shaking woman Naruto caught her gaze with his piercing blue eyes.

"Ma'am, I need to know where Tazuna is."

"W-wh-why? You guys just killed those men, what do you want with my Father?"

"We've been sent from Mist to reopen old trade routes, your Father was our suggested contact in Wave, and if he is in any danger I need to know immediately so I can go get him out of it."

"He went to the bridge this morning; the Konoha team he hired to protect him all went with him."

Nodding his head Naruto spoke up so all his students could hear him. "You three will stay here and guard these two, no one gets in the house without me clearing them, is that understood?" The three loud and firm "Hai Sensei" he received made him nod and turn back to the woman who had finally stood up with the support of the twins. "Which way is the bridge?" Following her pointing finger Naruto nodded and with a quick "Arigato" disappeared in a blur of Shunshin.

"Come on, let's get you inside and a blanket around you, we don't need you going into shock." The twin on her left said in a surprisingly calm and comforting voice, Tsunami nodded and let them lead her back inside, Tekkai closed the door behind them and then disappeared to a hidden observation point to act as lookout on the approaches to the house. His sisters could handle the kid and mother; they were trained for this sort of thing.

* * *

Appearing on the mist-shrouded bridge from his high speed movement, Naruto used his senses to take in the situation. Seven Chakra signatures were present, three Genin, two Chūnin, two Jōnin and one civilian. Briefly utilizing his water affinity he sent out his chakra and used brute force override the person's who'd summoned it, condensed the mist and sent it over the bridge back into the ocean it came from and visually took in the scene. One old man with a pink haired female Genin guarding him, two Kiri Nukenin that he was positive were the Demon Brothers fighting two boys that looked startlingly similar, one with his hair cut like a duck's back end and the other with a half shirt. Looking over at the Jōnin he immediately recognized both of them, Sharingan no Kakashi and Kurosuki Raiga, Elite Jōnin of Konoha and Nukenin of Kirigakure respectively. All of this taken in with the speed of someone that was used to assessing situations in only a few seconds, Naruto noticed Raiga adapting to the loss of the mist and going in for a kill on the old man and pink haired Genin.

Acting almost on instinct Naruto used Shunshin again while simultaneously unsealing Kubikiribōchō from its tattoo on his palm, the handle fitting nicely into place in the palm of his hand automatically without him even having to adjust his grip. Quickly channeling his other affinity through the extensive seal network that now covered the blade he coated it in wind Chakra before slamming it into the ground in front of the screaming Genin, with a resounding clang the Kiba were stopped dead, the lightning Chakra that had been running through them canceled out by the wind Chakra on the monstrous sword, and the bare metal of the blades having no chance of cutting through the tempered steel that made up Kubikiribōchō.

Everyone on the bridge stopped and stared at the Nin that had appeared out of apparently nowhere. A tall, well muscled blonde, headband restraining said hair, wearing the mottled brown and green camouflage that had become the standard Kiri uniform top and navy blue pants, what appeared to be modified Tabi made out of Shinobi cloth with leather soles and steel caps on the toes was, what appeared to be to Kakashi, a Kiri Jōnin. Looking at the face he couldn't hold back the gasp that came out; "Naruto."

Naruto looked around, ignoring Kakashi for the moment even though he'd heard him perfectly. Noticing that the two boys had finished tying up the Demon Brothers who, in their distracted state they had knocked out, much to his approval, he locked eyes with the Nukenin on the other side of his sword.

"Kurosuki Raiga, the time has come for you to either face your execution like a man, or return to Kiri's embrace as the loyal son that you once were."

* * *

Raiga could have cursed when Kubikiribōchō appeared in front of him, he knew he could cut through the sword, the Kiba had cut through steel before, but the seals on it were new to him. Deciding trying couldn't hurt he swung the Kiba forward and was understandably startled when wind Chakra manifested around the massive sword, completely neutralizing his swords' special abilities. Looking up, expecting to see his old colleague Zabuza standing behind the blade he was, again, startled when he locked eyes with not the black he was expecting but a blue as clear as the sky above. He instantly shivered when he noticed an edge as keen and cold as the steel of the sword their owner was wielding registered in their depths.

"Kurosuki Raiga, the time has come for you to either face your execution like a man, or return to Kiri's embrace as the loyal son you once were."

Well. Shit.

* * *

Naruto registered what was going to happen even before it happened, the eyes of people that were scared shitless were such a good give away, after all. Sealing Kubikiribōchō back into his palm without even having to move, he quickly formed two blades of wind on each hand and, carefully avoiding the Kiba that he'd come to retrieve at all costs, cut Raiga's hands off at the wrists. Swiftly following up on these brutal moves that, to his amusement, made the girl behind him gag; he sliced through Raiga's neck before sealing the head into his left hand palm. Running through the seals for a Karyū Endan for the second time that day, he incinerated the body before it hit the bridge. Smiling to himself he pried Raiga's twitching hands from around the handles of the swords before tossing the aforementioned body parts over the edge of the bridge. Finally he turned his attention to the quartet of stunned Konoha Nin.

"Greetings Konoha Ninja! I'd ask you what brought you to these parts but this gentleman's daughter already explained it to me." Naruto said, hiking a thumb at the stunned Tazuna.

Snapping out of his stupor, Kakashi regarded the young man in front of him, he knew him, and the fact that he hadn't seen him in twelve years was irrelevant. "Naruto, is that you?"

Looking at the famous Nin in front of him Naruto scrunched his eyes up in concentration before smiling brightly. "Inu-san! I'd recognize that hair anywhere!" He said, launching forward and picking the surprised Kakashi up in a bear hug. "How have you been Inu-san?" He asked after setting the former ANBU back down on the bridge.

"Ah, I've been fine Naruto; we were all worried about you until Jiraiya-sama brought back word of you having ended up a Shinobi of Kiri." By "we" he meant Naruto's old ANBU guards, but the Genin didn't need to know this.

"Ah Kakashi-san, you needn't have worried about me, I found a great Sensei, I won't call him a father-figure though, because that would be an insult to fathers everywhere."

"Zabuza?" Kakashi asked, slightly shocked.

"Nah, Hoshigaki Kisame."

Kakashi blanched.

"Well, I hope you turned out okay."

"Oh, yea! I'm doing great, got a girlfriend and everything. Jiraiya even stops by every once in a while to chat and spar." Naruto told him, completely ignoring the Jōnin's look of astonishment and slight awe at him casually talking about sparring with the strongest of the Sannin. "So! Old guy! We were sent by the Mizukage to re-establish trade relations with Nami no Kuni and you are our recommended contact. Oh yea, any idea where this Gato guy is? I'm supposed to kill him."

Tazuna and company just gaped at the young man in front of him, he wouldn't be afraid to admit that after seeing him so casually execute the Nukenin that was giving the Konoha Jōnin so much trouble he was a little afraid of him. "Uh, yea, he has a mansion a little bit outside the port town, it used to belong to the Daimyo."

"Great! I saw what he'd done to the place on my way through town to the bridge and it wasn't pretty, and the Mizukage gave me permission to perform an assassination on him at my discretion if I felt it was necessary, and I believe it is. So, he'll be dead by the end of the week!" The fact that Naruto told him this all with a happy smile on his face freaked him out just that much more.

"Who are you?" A too young to sound serious voice asked.

Naruto jumped a little as if startled and looked at the black haired twelve year old now standing next to Kakashi, the one with the duck hair. "Didn't your parents ever tell you that it's rude to interrupt a conversation that adults are having?" Naruto chided with a wagging finger. The kid responded by baring his teeth in an enraged snarl and activating his Sharingan, Kakashi quickly held him back to stop an international incident. "Oooh, hey, an Uchiha, I thought they were all dead."

"I'm the last of them." Sasuke managed to grind out.

"Oh wow, so Itachi killed everyone except you?" at Sasuke's terse enraged nod, and Naruto idly marveled at the kid's ability to add an emotion like rage to a nod, Naruto idly stroked his chin for a second before brightening up again. "Well, sucks for you!"

Sasuke promptly entered happy dreamland courtesy of Kakashi's well placed jab at select pressure points to prevent his student from assaulting a foreign Shinobi.

"Ex-excuse me, Naruto-san," a quiet voice started off to his left, looking over Naruto registered the pink haired Genin as the originator, giving her a nod he signaled she had his attention, "but, you said "We", where's the rest of your squad?"

"Oh! Yea, they're guarding his Daughter and Grandson back at the house; we caught a couple of unruly looking gentleman dragging her off." Naruto informed her, Tazuna behind him gave a start and looked like he was about to bolt back to the house before Naruto spoke up again. "They're dead".

"So, Tsunami-chan is safe?"

Inferring that that was the woman's name, on further reflection he probably should have asked her what it was, Naruto gave the man a reassuring nod. "Yea, two of my Genin are aspiring medic nin, while Sakiko may be a bit more into poisons than may be healthy Sayuri is more focused on healing so she and your Grandson are in good hands, their brother should be on guard duty."

After hearing the bit about poisons Tazuna looked even more ready to bolt but the noise of a large crowd from the other side of the almost complete bridge caught all of the Nin's attention. What appeared at first to Naruto to be a midget in a suit, which he belatedly realized was just an exceedingly short man and not someone suffering from dwarfism, was leading a group of unwashed, not to mention angry, looking mercenaries towards them.

"Hah!" the short guy started. "So Raiga wasn't nearly up to the task of killing the old guy was he? Just as well that I didn't intend to pay him anyway." He finished with a, in Naruto's opinion, amateurish sneer.

"Oh! Hey, you wouldn't happen to be Gato, would you?" Naruto asked, seemingly delighted.

"What about it Kid? Unless you want a job or you're offering time with that whore Mizukage I don't have anything to say to you, get out of here unless you want to be killed like the rest of these wretches."

Now, Naruto may have been willing to kill him clean like he had been taught, after all it was just another job and he was a professional, taught by a professional from a very early age to be a professional killer. The jab at Mei, however, snapped any patience he may have had with the man.

An aura of what the conscious Konoha Shinobi could later only describe as pure dread and terror mixed with the most bloodlust that any of them, even Kakashi, had ever felt and ever would feel slammed over the bridge. Some of the mercenaries in Gato's ad-hoc army retched and fell to their knees vomiting; others managed to keep to their feet but it was easy to see to anyone looking that they had soiled themselves. Looking back at Naruto Kakashi saw, much to his horror that the Blonde's iris had gone a sinister red and his pupils had contracted into slits, but his face was completely still and emotionless. Grabbing Sasuke he hurried over to Sakura and herded both her and Tazuna, who looked like he might have had a minor heart attack, behind Naruto next to Sai, and coincidentally out of the line of fire.

Naruto calmly walked forward, tossing blades of wind at the thugs that he passed as he walked through their paralyzed ranks until he stood right in front of Gato. Looking down at the terrified man the aura of fear and despair promptly vanished, which snapped the short man out of his stupor. It also coincidentally allowed him to glance around and see the dismembered and disemboweled men that he'd hired littering the bridge around him, many of them trying to stop their intestines from leaving their bodies prematurely, or struggling to breathe through ruined lungs.

"I was going to grant you a clean death, Gato-san," Naruto started in a calm, almost conversational tone, causing Gato to crane his head to look up at the tall blonde, "but then in your infinite ignorance you went and insulted Mizukage-sama." He continued, reaching out and straightening the short man's suit lapels in a not quite but almost friendly manner. "Now I am afraid," Naruto continued in the same tone of voice, "that your death will be anything, but clean, and far from painless. I am a consummate professional when it comes to killing, Gato-san," the absolute sincerity in the whiskered Blonde's tone was actually starting to scare him more than whatever it was he'd done earlier, "until I am pushed, and you know what Gato-san?" Gato found himself shaking his head that no, he did not in fact know. Naruto leaned down so his mouth was next to the wanna-be gangster's ear. "You just pushed me".

Three Kage Bunshin appeared out of nowhere and grabbed Gato before disappearing in a simultaneous Shunshin to parts unknown to anyone but Naruto. The fact that painful, horrified screams started to drift across the ocean not too long after went completely ignored by the Blonde Maelstrom. The other conscious people on the bridge got a distinct green tint to their faces.

Turning around he looked at the dismembered thugs littering the bridge around him. "Oh! Dear me, look at what I did to your beautiful bridge Tazuna-san! I apologize; I'll fix it right up." Channeling chakra Naruto called upon his, in Kisame's words "freakish" Water affinity and washed the bridge clean around him, coincidentally sinking the boats that the impromptu army had used to get on the bridge in the first place. "So! Tazuna-san, shall we retire to your place? We don't want to worry your lovely Daughter any more than she already has, do we?"

Tazuna found himself nodding in agreement. In truth he was completely terrified of the young man in front of him to do much more.

* * *

Knocking briskly on the door to Tazuna's house, Naruto smiled at the twin that opened it and promptly cursed at himself for not knowing which one it was. "Hey Sakiko-chan!" he sighed internally as a radiant smile lit up her face, and then cried a little as he knew that even if it was Sayuri she'd act like Sakiko just to annoy him. "I found Tazuna-san and the Konoha-nin that he hired to protect him."

Smiling up at one of her crushes, the maybe Sakiko stepped out of the doorway and opened it wide to let the troupe in, including the tied up and unconscious Demon Brothers. "I take it that Raiga-san didn't come quietly?"

In response Naruto twirled the Kiba around in his right hand before whipping out a scroll and sealing them into it for safe keeping. "Nope! I think they're going to go to Haku-chan, he can't keep using ice swords for forever and they'd go well with his water affinity. Anyway! This is Kakashi-san and his cute little Genin, you're all about the same age, go mingle and have fun, I need to interrogate these two and see if they're willing to come back to Kiri, if not they gotta die."

The fact that he said this in such a chipper tone and with such a blasé attitude sent shivers down Sakura and Sasuke's spine, while Sai just continued to smile blandly.

"Kakashi-san, would you care to join me for this?"

"Ah," Kakashi looked over at his Genin and the two identical girls sitting with Tsunami and her son, the two unknowns smiled charmingly at him and he smiled back, "sure, it shouldn't take all that long anyway."

"Great! Let's see if we can get what we need without breaking anything."

With that the two Jōnin walked back outside, each carrying one of the unconscious charges in a fireman's carry.

"So, I'm Uzumaki Sakiko."

"And I'm Uzumaki Sayuri."

"Our brother, Tekkai, should be outside on lookout duty, you'll meet him later I guess."

"Ah, it's nice to meet you Sayuri-san, Sakiko-san, my name is Haruno Sakura."

"Uchiha Sasuke." Sasuke grunted, before brushing past them and sitting down at the table before starting to brood.

"Sai." Was all the third Genin said, his bland smile not moving an inch.

Neither of the sisters had missed the adoring looks that Sakura was sending the last Uchiha, and with identical smirks sent back at each other, they promptly took the seats on either side of him, grinning even more and the growl of irritation from the pink haired girl.

"So, Uchiha huh?" Sayuri purred, laying a flirtatious hand on the boy's thigh.

"We've heard so much about your clan." Sakiko echoed from the left side, placing her own hand on the boy's other thigh.

"Why don't we three get together later and, _talk_, Sasuke-kun?"

Neither of them missed the tinges of pink that were starting to appear on the black haired boy's face. Or the rather animalistic growl that came from a certain pink-haired Genin.

* * *

"So, you two left with Zabuza-san?" Naruto asked. He'd already known this but establishing facts always helped, and the fact that they hadn't started breaking bones yet would hopefully encourage the two to talk freely.

"Hai." Gōzu replied, apparently he was the spokesperson for the brothers. "We were on a separate assassination mission when word reached us of Zabuza's death. It would appear that you inherited Kubikiribōchō."

"Yep! I needed a sword and Kisame, he raised me by the way, couldn't think of a better one than that, so now it's mine." Kakashi was actually starting to warm up to Naruto a bit again, sure he seemed to have his, ahem, quirks, but then all nin that reached the rank of Jōnin developed them eventually, the ones that didn't generally snapped. Violently.

"So, our choices are to either return to Kiri and serve the new Mizukage or die here?"

"That about sums it up boys, if you choose to die I promise I'll be quick and clean."

"Well, at least you're professional." Gōzu replied, he looked over at his brother and shared one of those silent conversations that Naruto was used to twins having. Looking back at the Blonde in front of him, Gōzu nodded his head. "We'll go back, the only reason we helped Zabuza with his assassination attempt was because Yagura had a friend of ours killed, he's dead now so there's no reason to stay away."

"Great, I was really getting tired of having to kill people today, so you guys think you can make it back on your own?"

Meizu spoke up for the first time. "I'm pretty sure we can remember the way back to the land that birthed us."

"Okay, that's good; I need to go to Konoha next to meet up with the Mizukage and Haku-chan for the treaty negotiations and get my cute little Genin signed in for the Chūnin Exam anyway, so I don't have time to baby sit you two." Naruto ignored the angry growl from Meizu at him insinuating they'd need a baby sitter.

Cutting the wires that had been used to bind the two, Naruto helped them to their feet and gave the traditional Kiri salute, which to his surprise they returned, before handing them both unmarked Mist headbands to replace their scarred ones. "You'll need these to get through security; some new measures have been put in place since the rebellion succeeded."

"Thank you, Naruto-san. We'll make all haste back to Kiri."

Watching as the brothers moved off into the forest in the general direction of Kiri, Kakashi turned to Naruto and voiced his question. "So, why was I here? You handled that perfectly well."

"True," Naruto smiled at him, "but kids tend to get over the awkward introduction phases so much faster if there aren't adults hovering over their shoulders."

Kakashi looked at Naruto for a second before looking back at the house, in time to see the boy he assumed was Tekkai walk in the door, before heading towards the house. "You don't know my Genin." He said to Naruto, who fell in step beside him. "Sasuke is an anti-social arrogant recluse; Sakura is a rabid fan girl that may attempt to mutilate your girls if they so much as look at him in a suggestive manner and Sai is an emotionally inept plant from the Village elders."

"Hmmm, and Sayuri and Sakiko are training in medical and seduction techniques. You know, we may want to walk in a rather hurried fashion." Naruto said as he picked up his pace into a jog, Kakashi following suit.

* * *

Bursting into the house, both Naruto and Kakashi were both a little shocked and very relieved to note that there weren't any blood stains anywhere. But Naruto did notice with amusement both Sakiko's and Sayuri's unnaturally close positions to the Uchiha boy, and the ever increasing rage on Sakura's visage.

"Sayuri, Sakiko, stop trying to seduce Sasuke-chan, the village doesn't have a bounty on Uchiha sperm currently. Not to mention everyone is a little leery of that bloodline ever since his brother went psycho and killed the rest of them." Naruto admonished his Genin, showing Sasuke that, yes, he'd known _exactly _who he was ever since he saw him. As well as pissing him off with the second casual reference to his clan's death that day.

The twins just pouted and moved away from Sasuke to sit on either side of their brother on the couch. Sakura took this opportunity to glue herself to Sasuke's side in order to "reassure" him that she still loved him and she wouldn't let those two sluts near him again.

Sayuri and Sakiko just got amused smiles on their faces at her actions.

Kakashi raised his eyebrow at Naruto, who shrugged and scratched the back of his neck sheepishly while smiling at his opposite number. "I can never control those two, it's like they have minds of their own."

Kakashi just snickered from behind his Icha-Icha book while he took a seat at the table.

"Don't worry, Sensei, we haven't given up on a foursome with you and your girlfriend yet."

"Yea! I personally can't wait to get my hands on you two; she has the most amazing body I've ever seen!"

Kakashi let out a perverted giggle this time.

Naruto just laughed at Sakura's scandalized face.

* * *

It had taken another three days, but the bridge had been close to being complete when the Kiri team had arrived on the island anyway, and Naruto and his team had taken their time going over the previous Daimyo's residence in order to find everything that Gato had said he'd had, bank account numbers and stashed valuables and the likes. All of which was turned over to Tazuna for responsible distribution and management.

No one had asked him how he'd come about this information.

Naruto and his team all stood outside the visitor's entrance, the exceptionally large gates that were generally open during the day for animal drawn carts to go through, meant to impress visitors with their majesty. The small side entrance for Konoha Shinobi that Kakashi and his team had used was, unfortunately, for Konoha Nin only. So they had to wait.

The journey had been fast; the fact that they didn't have to escort any civilians back to Konoha meant that they could travel at a comfortable pace for Shinobi. The two Jōnin had decided that travelling together would be a good idea, any roaming Nukenin would think three or four times before attacking two Jōnin and six Genin, especially since one of those Jōnin was Sharingan no Kakashi and the other had exceedingly complex Fuinjutsu arrays traveling up both of his arms. Looking back at his Genin, he couldn't help but snicker at the antics of his two female students over the trip to Konoha. Realizing back in Tazuna's house that Sakura's infatuation with the Uchiha went _way_ beyond that of a normal crush, they'd taken it upon themselves to hit on him in outrageously obvious ways as often as possible, even going as far as proposing a threesome more than five times, at least.

He couldn't really blame them; they were training to work together as a seduction and assassination team, much like the Demon Brothers only much more insidious, and good seduction Kunoichi in training practiced _all the time _in order to sharpen their skills. Not many straight Shinobi would turn down a threesome with twins. No civilian that he'd heard of would either, and they were oh so much easier to kill than Ninja.

Stepping up to the check in booth he presented his official papers to the Chūnin manning it and announced them. "Jōnin Uzumaki Naruto along with Genin Uzumaki Sayuri, Sakiko and Tekkai here for both the Chūnin Exams and to provide escort for Mizukage-sama during her treaty negotiations."

Both of them scrutinized the papers before looking at all of them, back and forth from their IDs to their faces to check for any imperfections in the real article from the photo ID, before finally nodding their heads and handing them back to Naruto, who made them disappear into one of the many storage seals on his person.

"You're free to go in, the Mizukage came through earlier today and said she'd be starting negotiations around noon, she and her party are staying in the Dancing Leaf Hotel, it's in the market district on the Eastern side of town, I'm sure you can find them either there or at the Hokage tower."

"Thanks guys. Come on you three, we'll get your guy's rooms and get you settled in while I go find Mei-sama and report the success of our mission."

There were three "Hai Sensei" to this pseudo-order and they followed their teacher into the village and towards the market district.

Behind him Naruto faintly heard one of the Chūnin, "Wait, his name was _Uzumaki Naruto_? Shit man, I thought he was dead!" before they moved out of earshot.

* * *

Walking into the Hokage tower, Naruto looked around to acquaint himself with the ground floor layout before following the directions to the waiting room for meetings with the Hokage. Inside he found not only Terumi Mei and Yuki Haku, but also Kakashi and his team waiting to report in. Normally they wouldn't have to do this but thanks to the extraordinary circumstances on their mission it required a personal touch from the Hokage.

Prioritizing himself, Naruto walked over to stand in front of Mei before going down on one knee as public decorum demanded. "Jōnin Uzumaki Naruto reporting in after a successful mission to re-establish contact with the country of Nami no Kuni, Mizukage-sama."

Mei smiled indulgently at him before standing up and getting in the formal pose herself, settling her robes and hat of office around her shoulders as she did so. "I hear you and acknowledge your successful mission, Jōnin Uzumaki Naruto."

Bounding up in a burst of energy that Kakashi was starting to re-associate with the Blonde, Naruto gave Mei a big smile and held up a small sealing scroll. "The Kiba, as ordered, we also ran into the Demon Brothers that left with Zabuza after his failed assassination attempt on the Yondaime Mizukage and have sent them on their way back to Kiri, they have the new headbands to get through the security check."

Taking the scroll Mei gave Naruto a gentle smile. "Wonderful job as always, Naruto-kun." She told him, secreting the scroll away before grabbing his face and stepping forward.

Kakashi already knew that Naruto and the Mizukage were friends, just from Naruto's initial reaction to Gato's off color remarks back on the bridge, the trained eye also picked out the small things that neither of them or the Mizukage's guard bothered to hide. What he did not expect was for the gorgeous redhead to step forward and give the blonde a kiss that _he_ could almost feel, such was its intensity. Looking over at his students Sakura, as expected had a radiant blush on her face and had turned away in embarrassment, but was sneaking little looks out of the corner of her eye. The surprise was Sai, who up until now had showed absolutely no interest in girls, or sex at all for that matter, actually had a small blush on his face as the Mizukage's robes had come open during the vigorous kiss, revealing a skimpy blue dress/mesh shirt combo that showed off immense amounts of cleavage, along with the tight, mid-thigh, black spandex shorts that formed to her long legs like a second skin.

A cough interrupted the two lover birds.

"As amusing as this is, Mizukage-sama, I would love for us to be able to get to our meeting now." Sarutobi Hiruzen stood off to the side; the Mizukage blushed prettily before adjusting her robes back into place and putting her hat back on her head. Turning to Naruto she let out a little laugh and took a handkerchief out of his back pocket and proceeded to wipe blue lipstick off of his mouth.

Turning to the elderly Kage standing at the double door entrance to his office, Naruto gave a respectful bow. "It does me good to see you again, Hokage-sama, I hope these past years have treated you well."

"Well enough, Naruto-kun, how about you three come inside and we can get our meeting under way?"

Mei spoke up this time. "Hai Hokage-sama." The three then proceeded to follow the Hokage back into his office.

Naruto lagged behind for a second and turned to Kakashi to give him a loud high five, before following Haku and Mei into the office with a perverted giggle chasing him.

"So, Haku-chan, it seems you got Mei-chan here in one piece, I'm proud of you."

"If you don't cease calling me that I will not be responsible for my actions, Naruto-kun."

"If you don't cease dressing in Kimonos I won't be responsible for what I call you, Haku-chan."

The doors closed cutting off Haku's exasperated sigh half way through.

* * *

AN: Alright, and there it is. Some things that left people wondering in the prologue are cleared up here, mostly age, shows how often people read the AN that the question I got asked/thing that was stated the most was that the time frame for the Uchiha massacre was wrong. Well it wasn't, so there. Also, many people might notice a distinct correlation between some parts of Naruto's personality and the distinct blend of bipolar/insanity/genius that Uruhara Kisuke possesses, that wasn't an accident, any child raised by Kisame is going to turn out a little fucked up. It may or may not be in a good way.

Read, review and tell me what you thought.


	3. Chapter 2

The Demon Shark and the Fish Cake

Chapter Two

Interlude One

Or: There and Back Again

Disclaimer: I own none of the Intellectual Properties represented in this collection of ramblings.

**A/N:** This took me an inordinately long amount of time to get out, and when my condensed summer classes started up I just really didn't have to time to devote to it that it deserved, so this chapter is more of an interlude than anything, it does advance the plot but not for as long or as far as an actual chapter would.

So, read, review, and tell me what you think.

* * *

Naruto's face went from care free to all business the second the door to the Hokage's office clicked shut, taking his place to the right and half a pace behind Mei, standing guard with his senses extended and eyes forward, watching the Hokage and the three other elderly Shinobi in the office and one man twenty one years his senior, all of which he didn't know but had read the intelligence dossiers on.

Mitokado Homura: Sixty eight years of age, five feet four inches tall and one hundred and twenty one and a half pounds. He had grown more militant over the years, not quite to the level of the third man in the room, but he tended to support the cripple more than he supported his Kage. Just like many people his age, he had his sins and secrets he would rather stay just that, secrets. Naruto would have had him executed if he was in Sarutobi's place.

Utatane Koharu: Also sixty eight years of age, four inches and twenty pounds lighter than Homura, she had also grown more militant since her active career, though she still supported Hiruzen from time to time, she also leaned more towards supporting someone other than her Kage. Like Homura she also had various sins and vices that could be potentially exploited. Naruto would have had her put down as well.

Shimura Danzō: Also the age of sixty eight, five and a half feet tall but only one hundred and sixteen pounds. The man was practically a ghost, and that annoyed Kiri's intelligence department more than anything. The key word was "practically", if Danzō knew just how much Kiri knew about him, he would probably be furious. Men like him didn't get mad easily, either. The leader of the clandestine Root ANBU subsidiary, the man had sent a team to try and collect Naruto two years ago. He didn't count on the fact that a certain Uzumaki Kenchi had been teaching Naruto about Fuinjutsu, his little tongue seal was pretty inventive, but extremely crude. Kenchi had broken it in half an hour and applied a different one that made the sealed person unable to not answer a direct question and unable to lie, Danzō had no idea. Seals were so much fun.

Naruto would cheerfully gut the man like a fish in front of the whole world.

Nara Shikaku: Thirty eight years of age, also about five and a half feet tall and around one hundred and thirty pounds, depending on what he had for lunch. Naruto actually liked the man; he had been one of the Hokage's "bodyguards" when he visited Kirigakure no Sato and they'd gotten on well during that time. Scarily intelligent, Shikaku was Konoha's Jōnin commander and, in a perfect world, would take over as interim Hokage if Sarutobi ever fell or was incapacitated in battle, just as Naruto would if the same had happened to Mei. Well, after he had completely wiped whoever had done so from this plane of existence, that is. Naruto knew that this was far from a perfect world, however and that old one-eye would likely move to seize the position given even half the chance. That would be… bad… for the treaty.

Focusing back on the conversation at hand, and idly noting an ANBU operative shifting in his or her secluded watch zone out of the corner of his eye, he knew it had to be a rookie, experienced operatives didn't fidget.

"Mizukage-dono, I am happy we were able to meet again on such short notice after our talks in Kiri, it is good that we can continue negotiations while the topic is still fresh on the mind." Hiruzen started out. Naruto liked the man immensely; he knew that the fact that he was a very prominent Jōnin of Kiri was the only thing keeping Konoha from demanding the return of their Jinchūriki. He also knew that the ninja was as hard and tempered as steel under his public face of a kind old man. You didn't live to be a genuinely cantankerous old man in the Shinobi lifestyle unless you could be as cold and deadly as Haku's Hyōton on a moment's notice.

"Thank you for inviting me to your wonderful village, Hokage-sama, I look forward to our great people being able to work together towards a brighter future." Mei responded with a cultured smile.

Naruto gave a mental sigh; he knew this was going to take hours. Fortifying himself for a long and grueling negotiation session, he started playing a mental game of tic-tack-toe with his resident demon and silently thanked Kami-sama for immortal incarnations of malice and evil.

* * *

Tekkai and the twins stood just inside the doorway to their rooms with their jaws slightly agape. When they'd heard that they would be sharing a room it was really nothing new to them, they've had to do it before and they'd most likely have to do it again in the future. They may not like it, but they wouldn't complain. This changed everything.

"This is huge." Tekkai muttered in shock.

"I can't believe we have all this room to ourselves." The twin on the right added.

Walking into the room, they couldn't help but look around in slight awe; this was the type of hotel room that Daimyo would consider opulent.

"Hey, there's a note on the table." The other twin said.

"Let's see what it says." The first one bounded forward and picked it up. "It's from Naruto-sensei!"

"Well, tell us what he wrote." Tekkai encouraged as he staked out his room.

She cleared her throat. _"Dear cute little students of mine, congratulations, you have a rich Sensei! Due to the fact that I'm so amazing, and you're my favorite cousins, I decided to spring for your hotel room this time, I know, shocking isn't it?" _She paused. "Actually yea that is a little shocking." Shaking her head she continued. _"You three have this suit all to yourselves, due to the fact that I'll be "sleeping" with Mei-chan-"_

"-He put quotation marks around "sleeping", didn't he?" Her sister interrupted.

She sighed at their Sensei's predictability regarding anything that had to do with the Mizukage. "Yes. Anyway here's the rest of it. _"You three have the day all to yourselves while I go to the boring negotiations with Mei-chan and Haku-chan, try not to kill any of the Konoha populace and don't do anything I wouldn't do!" _And then there's a little chibi drawing of him giving the peace sign."

"That's it? All he says is "try not to kill anyone?" We've got some pretty broad behavioral guidelines." His sisters both stared at him with deadpan looks on their faces until he got a "eureka!" expression. "Right, it's Naruto, never mind."

"Wait, there's a P.S. on the back." The twin reading the note told her siblings. "It says _"P.S. If you, by some chance, manage to get yourselves banned from participating in, or kicked out of, these exams, I will strip the skin from your bodies and bury you in a salt pit – Love Sensei"_" The girl finished slowly, her face paling to an unnatural hue of bleach white.

"Yea," Tekkai nodded with a gulp, "that sounds a lot more like him."

* * *

Naruto, now seated seiza, with his knees under him, to the right and slightly behind Mei, snapped back to reality as the name "Uzumaki" was mentioned; naturally it was Danzō that had brought it up. He mentally replayed the last ten seconds of dialogue from where he'd stored it. Ninja had to be able to pay attention without paying attention, after all.

"So, the Uzumaki have moved in with Kirigakure. Why didn't they come to their old allies for help?"

"Are you addressing me, elder?" Naruto asked politely. Being a dignitary sucked.

"Who else would I be talking to, boy? You're the only Uzumaki in the room."

It especially sucked when you had to deal with crotchety old men, the kind that weren't funny.

Naruto shrugged and decided to be truthful. "From what Kenchi-Ojisan has told me, no one from Konoha except an unmarked scavenging team showed up and all they were looking for was knowledge on Seals, after he eliminated them there was no one else from the Land of Fire, so we scattered."

He noticed that Sarutobi didn't look even slightly fazed by this news, and he doubted that he would show it even if he was, but he could only assume that the Hokage had ordered it. That was fine; Naruto probably would have ordered the same thing.

"So, why didn't the Uzumaki come to Konoha later? We have had an alliance since the founding of our respective villages." Koharu asked and stated. Naruto was actually starting to wonder where this was going.

"Why would they? There was a war going on at the time, Uzushiogakure was destroyed for our knowledge in seals and our practice of taking in outsiders, even if we'd gone to a hidden village we would have been exploited anyway. We didn't need another battle, we needed to rebuild. So we rebuilt like a Shinobi should, in secret and with stealth."

"Are the Uzumaki going to honor the old treaty and send a member of the clan to Konoha to serve under us?" It was Homura this time, and this had to have been planned, Naruto thought, it was too well orchestrated to not be. And judging by the look in Shikaku's eyes, it hadn't been discussed as a group before the meeting.

"The Uzumaki now belong to Kirigakure no Sato, we serve the command of our Mizukage and no one else. If Mizukage-sama wishes for an Uzumaki to honor the old treaty, then an Uzumaki shall honor the old treaty." Naruto spoke this directly to Danzō, meeting his gaze head on and not flinching for a second, he had no illusions on just who's idea this pseudo interrogation was. There was something about this man that had the Kyūbi on edge for some reason, and he wasn't appreciating it one bit.

* * *

Naruto yawned hugely as he and Haku escorted the Mizukage back to their lodgings.

Mei looked over at her lover and rolled her eyes. "Naruto, it wasn't that bad and it wasn't that long, stop exaggerating."

"Speak for yourself, the only way I stayed sane was playing Tic Tack Toe and Hangman with fuzzy." Naruto grumbled under his breath with a pout.

"Chin up, Naruto-kun." Haku started from the Mizukage's opposite side. "You only had to sit through three hours; it could have taken much longer." He paused as if considering something. "And they could have tried more overt and numerous times and ways to get you to return to Konoha."

Naruto scowled at that reminder. "You would think for someone of his… activities… Danzō would be a lot more subtle, don't you?"

A warning glance from Mei silenced them both; they _were_ in a potential enemy's home city, after all.

"Anyway, Naruto, I have one day, tomorrow, to recover and then I must head back to Kirigakure. Utakata may very well be a competent protector of the village, and an outstanding warrior, but he is not an administrator." All three of them grimaced at the memories of the _last_ time Utakata had been left in charge; let us just say it involved a honey badger, some of Naruto's toad summons, Chōjūrō and four training grounds and leave it at that. "I must get back before an emergency that neither he nor Ao can handle crops up."

Naruto got a fierce pout on his face and moved so he could walk backwards in front of Mei. "Are you sure you can't stay just _one_ day longer, Mei-chan?"

Mei looked Naruto in the eye and felt her resolve wavering. _"Damn those big blues!" _She took a deep breath to collect herself (and to distract Naruto by making her breasts even more prominent) and gave her answer. "No."

Hanging his arms in defeat Naruto went back to his on guard position to bitch some more. "Fiiiiiiine!" He just knew this was going to be one of the most boring times of his life!

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen sat at his home office going over clan affairs and reflecting upon the day's meeting with the Mizukage.

On one side, the Hokage side, he wanted to demand the return of Konoha's Jinchūriki, as it was, Konoha was the only village without one, and that put them at an extreme disadvantage.

On the other side, the side that had adopted a small, blond, smiling boy as a surrogate Grandson just wanted to give the young man the biggest hug that his old bones could muster and only let go when he was assured that yes, Naruto was indeed alive and healthy.

He couldn't believe how tall he had grown! Minato had certainly been a couple inches taller than most of his peers, when he had finally hit puberty that is, but Naruto had to have shot past his father by about four inches, at least. He smiled as he remembered the passion that Naruto and Mei had shown each other, both in his waiting room and back when he had gone to Kirigakure as an envoy to greet the new Mizukage. It actually reminded him a lot of him and his own wife, Biwako, back when they were younger. Mei was at least as strong, if not stronger, than his late departed wife, especially physically if not spiritually. He knew that that was a relationship that would survive the test of time, given half the chance.

Sarutobi frowned momentarily at that thought. Danzō and the council had been going behind his back again. He had slapped them down extremely hard after the Uchiha debacle. He had to be physically restrained by his ANBU guard at the time, Kakashi, to keep him back from killing Danzō when he'd stormed into the man's home with Enma summoned and in his staff form. In fact, the only reason he didn't break free is that he hadn't wanted to harm his ANBU. Sarutobi Hiruzen was nothing if not completely in control of his faculties at all times.

But that brought up the question. Would the Uzumaki be allowed to honor the age old treaty between the family and Konoha? It was a valid question, and one he had planned on asking Naruto about in a private meeting between the two. Kenchi was getting too old to run the clan, and Naruto was being groomed to take over, as a future clan head, so far along in his instruction, he was expected to be able to sit through a preliminary discussion about such matters, but not make decisions on his own.

He smiled fondly, looking forward to the meeting with his, to him at least, surrogate Grandson.

Sarutobi then gave a small giggle as he remembered the kiss Naruto and Mei shared in his waiting room, and pulled out a little orange book for some bedtime reading.

* * *

Danzō looked across his desk in his secret lair at the tool kneeling in front of him. Uzumaki had wormed his way out of being forced to return earlier that day; well he'd have to gather information on them to plan a future venture. The retrieval squad he'd sent to Kiri so long ago never returned; he knew they were dead. The only thing that kept him from panicking was the fact that the seal he placed on all Ne members guaranteed the loyalty of any who might waver from his grand cause. As he dismissed the operative, with the mission to watch over the Kyūbi's team for any weakness that may be exploited, Danzō allowed himself a brief and rare scowl; things were not going as planned.

* * *

Shikaku stared at the board in front of him, contemplating his next move briefly while reflecting on Danzō's completely predictable and brash actions during the meeting earlier. Danzō loved to think that he was subtle and a master manipulator. Shikaku, as the Jōnin commander, knew just how heavy handed the old man really was. His base was anything but a secret, the only thing the Hokage didn't have in his organization was a spy. Danzō's training made effective unthinking drones, but it produced absolutely subpar elite ninja, as far as elite ninja went.

He liked the Uzumaki kid, anyone that knew Minato, even peripherally, would immediately know that Naruto was his son; the resemblance was just too great for it to be a coincidence, though he had Kushina's chin. He got a little grin across his face as he remembered Naruto's interaction with the Mizukage back in Kiri when he escorted the Hokage there; it was almost the reverse of Minato and Kushina's relationship. Naruto had Kushina's exuberance and Mei possessed Minato's calm and reserve.

Looking down he moved a piece, earning himself a disgusted grunt from his son.

"So, how was the meeting?"

Shikaku thought about it briefly before responding. "Troublesome."

"Figures."

* * *

1:00 P.M. the next day, Mei's hotel room

Naruto was having the time of his life!

Mei-chan had just gotten up to get some ice from their en suite fridge, he was recovering from their last romp (because, regeneration or not, going six times without a break with a _Kage_ was a workout for anyone) and he had a smile that would have to be surgically removed from his face for it to come off.

This was the life, an opulent hotel room, a beautiful and willing woman in his life, and not seeing his Genin team for a whole day!

Wait a minute, Naruto's smile momentarily flipped into a frown; he hadn't seen his Genin team since yesterday… shrugging it off as unimportant he started smiling again as he glanced over to take a more than appreciative look at the Mizukage's posterior as she bent at the waist to get into the freezer, he had better ways to spend his time than worrying about his, as much as he loved them, bratty cousins.

* * *

"Are you _sure_ this is a good idea, Sayuri?" Tekkai asked skeptically, looking at the twin to his left with squinted eyes.

She sighed dramatically and gave her brother a condescending look. "Tekkai, if this place was off limits, then there would have been at least a sign and at most a guard. If we aren't supposed to be here, we would have been turned around by now."

"What are you brats doing here?"

Freezing up, all three Genin slowly turned around and looked up. Behind them was a voluptuous, purple haired Konoha Nin in a trench coat, mini skirt and fish net combo that made Tekkai blush and the twins get speculative looks. That outfit could be helpful for their seduction training.

Getting little stars in their eyes the twins proceeded freak out the Tokubetsu Jōnin by grabbing onto both of the Nin's hands and badger her about wardrobe tips.

* * *

_"Yea." _Naruto thought as Mei started back towards him with a bowl of ice, long red hair swaying behind her. _"Absolutely nothing could go wrong on a day as good as today."_

* * *

"So a member of the Seven Swordsmen is your sensei?"

"Yep! Naruto-aniki has been working with us ever since we came to Kiri!"

Anko looked across at the three kids that had treated her to Dango, most likely in a completely obvious attempt to butter her up. Who was she to decline such a generous offer?

"Naruto-aniki? Is he your older brother?"

Sayuri shook her head and frowned slightly. "Kinda, we're related by blood but not that closely, something like third cousins once removed." She shrugged negligently and grinned again. "Something around there."

"Wait, Uzumaki Naruto?" Anko asked intently, her gaze suddenly razor sharp. She'd heard of the man, his entry into the Konoha Bingo Book didn't even have a nickname; it was just "Uzumaki Naruto". He'd even posed for the group of Oinin that was dedicated to taking pictures of foreign ninja. Every village had a photography team like that, and they were generally ignored. She'd never heard of anyone posing for a picture before him.

Especially over the corpses of some freshly slain bandits and the girl he'd been sent to rescue standing next to him with hearts in her eyes as he gave the camera a thumbs up. That Oinin team hadn't had to buy drinks for themselves for a week after they got back with that photo. Apparently Uzumaki had called them out of the tree they were in so they could get a better angle.

He'd said he didn't want to look bad in the Bingo Book. Anko mentally snorted at that; that took balls. Big brass ones.

Sakiko nodded this time, happy that the nice lady across from them had made the connection. "Yup! He's been in Kiri for a little over four years now, he helped end the rebellion there. He was born in Konoha though; but we don't have any idea how he ended up with Kisame-sama."

Anko choked briefly on her latest bite of Dango before swallowing it down and giving the kids a slightly disbelieving look. "Kisame as in Hoshigaki Kisame, the Monster of the Hidden Mist?" At their nod she continued. "The same Kisame that killed a large portion of Kirigakure's military leadership before going Nuke-nin and not only surviving but thriving?"

Tekkai finished his tea and nodded. "Hai, Naruto-aniki was raised by Kisame-sama."

Anko gave the kids across from her a long look before a smile started to stretch across her face. "I might have to meet this Sensei of yours."

* * *

Naruto felt a shiver run down his spine as he looked down at Mei whose head was level with his waist and was grinning at him devilishly. He attributed it to the ice she was using on a sensitive part of his anatomy and shrugged it off.

* * *

5:30 P.M. That day, Hokage's residence

Naruto grinned as he sat down at a small table with the Sandaime Hokage and his Grandson, he'd heard that the Hokage's daughter had died during child birth, but he'd not met the child yet. The kid wouldn't even have been conceived before he'd taken his leave of the village.

"So, Konohamaru, are you enjoying learning to be a ninja?" Mei opened the dinner conversation. She and Naruto had been invited to a private dinner at the Hokage's residence on his insistence that he be a proper host. Naruto, knowing that many of the old man's brothers and sisters in arms from his time hadn't survived or were in no condition to communicate with human beings properly had urged Mei to accept. She'd been reluctant at first, not wanting any bit of impropriety to be able to be associated with their treaty talks, but like always Naruto had couched his argument while doing unspeakably amazing things to her body, so she'd given in quite easily in order for him to continue.

Konohamaru blushed and ducked his head a bit; he wasn't quite used to women like the Mizukage. "Yes Mei-sama, I'm looking forward to making my Grandfather proud of me."

Mei and Naruto grinned a little at the response as the Hokage's chef, a retired field cook from the Third Great Ninja War, brought in the appetizer of soup. The Hokage himself just grinned and fondly ruffled Konohamaru's hair earning an indignant squawk from the child.

"You've already made me proud Kono-kun." Hiruzen smiled down at his grandson proudly as the poor boy blushed even further.

The brown haired boy suppressed his blush and then looked at Naruto across from him curiously over his soup.

The dinner progressed quietly with the three adults making small talk, Hiruzen enquired about the Mizukage's imminent departure the next day and asked about Naruto's team, who he had only been briefly introduced to during his stay in Kiri. Naruto and Mei likewise asked him how his family was doing, the extended Sarutobi clan, which Hiruzen was also the head of, was actually deeply embedded into Konoha's Shinobi forces. They were one of the more prolific clans in the village.

Konohamaru finally spoke up as the main course, not ramen much to Naruto's disappointment, was being brought in. "Why do you wear so much orange?" The boy asked, his expression slightly incredulous. What kind of Ninja wore _orange_?

"Because it's orange." Naruto answered confusedly, as if that was all the explanation he needed.

"But you're a ninja, and you're wearing _orange_," Konohamaru insisted.

Naruto looked down at his chosen outfit, smoothly ignoring his snickering lover and the chuckling Hokage. His "civvies" as they were called consisted of a pair of fluorescent orange cargo shorts, an open front button up short sleeved shirt of the same color and dark blue undershirt. He didn't see the problem with it.

Looking back up to meet Konohamaru's eyes he repeated "because it's _orange_" stressing the word the same as the child had. "It's the best color on Earth, why wouldn't I wear it?"

Konohamaru either missed or completely ignored the blonde's tone the kid crossed his arms and glared at the Blonde. "Orange is such a stupid color for a Ninja, why don't you wear black or something?"

Naruto glared right back and crossed his own arms. "It is not! When you're as awesome of a Ninja as I am, you can wear whatever the hell you want!"

"Please, I doubt you're that great of a Ninja, a good Ninja wouldn't wear orange!"

Naruto stood up and pointed right into Konohamaru's face, forcing the kid to cross his eyes to look at it, a look of fake indignation on his face. "Listen here, you little brat, I was killing people, successfully, at your age. Until you start taking assassination missions at the age of eight you can stuff it!" With that proclamation he formed a fist and, lightly, bopped the child on the head. Well, lightly for an adult, that is. Konohamaru's face planted in his leftover rice which he promptly pulled out of with rice sticking to his face to see his chuckling Grandfather escorting their guests to the front door.

Konohamaru got a fierce pout on his face as he contemplated what he was going to do about this, he'd always imagined that his Grandfather would come down upon anyone that assaulted him in any way at all with the wrath of a furious God, yet here he was chuckling at his vicious and unprovoked assault! Konohamaru's eyes narrowed and a fierce glare came to his childish face. He would have revenge….

* * *

"You do realize that he will try and get you back for that, do you not?" Sarutobi asked with a wry grin as he escorted his guests to the door.

Naruto just shrugged. "Eh, whatever he tries he's welcome to it, I won't file an international incident and I like kids anyway, so it's all good."

Mei grinned impishly and looked up at her paramour. "So, you like kids, do you?" Her grin turned into a full blown smile when he nodded. "Well then, if you hurry up we can go back to our hotel and… practice… if you want." She finished off with a husky whisper.

Naruto got a silly grin on his face and watched Mei saunter out the door and into the night, a little more sway in her hips than usual. Turning to the Sandaime he gave him a blinding smile and clapped him on the shoulder. "Looks like my Mizukage needs me, Sandaime-sama. I'll come by and see you some time tomorrow."

Hiruzen stood there and watched Naruto bound off into the night and pick up the Mizukage around the waist before zipping away in a Shunshin. He closed and locked the door and a sad smile spread across his face. "Just like Minato and Kushina." He whispered as he headed off to say goodnight to his Grandson.

* * *

**A/N:** And that's that. The next chapter is going to be the lead up to and probably the beginning of the Chunin Exams, Naruto is going to go around the village a bit and connect with some people, a little unofficial scouting of their new ally, if you will. It will be longer and more in depth, as usual I'm not going to make any promises on updating it in a timely manner.


End file.
